​Coping with Political Anxiety and Uncertainty About the Future
Political anxiety has become increasingly common in our country and as a topic in my therapy office. In today’s political climate, many of us are experiencing heightened stress, anxiety, and intense fear about the future. It can feel overwhelming to witness policies and events that threaten rights, personal values, and the well-being of marginalized communities. Especially for people who have empathy, the concern for how new policies are being implemented and how they are going to affect not only us personally, but also other people throughout our country, can be devastating. If you find yourself struggling with political anxiety, you are absolutely not alone. Here are some strategies to help you navigate these challenging times while protecting your mental health.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s normal to feel a range of emotions, from anger and frustration to sadness and fear. Suppressing these emotions can make stress worse over time. The key word here is “normal”. I have said to many people, both in my personal life and professionally, that it would be more alarming to not feel triggered with what is happening in our country right now than to feel the anxiety we are all experiencing. There is no way to challenge irrational thoughts in situations like this.  Instead, give yourself permission to acknowledge and process your feelings in a healthy way—whether that’s through journaling, talking with a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in mindfulness practices.
2. Set Boundaries with News Consumption
Staying informed is important, but constant exposure to distressing news can fuel anxiety. Consider setting limits on how often you check the news or social media. Choose reliable sources and schedule specific times to catch up, rather than doomscrolling throughout the day. Giving yourself breaks from the flooding of political content can provide much-needed mental relief and then give you strength and energy to take action when you are ready.
3. Engage in Meaningful Action
A sense of helplessness can intensify anxiety. I have been trying to focus my attention on things I can control and things I can impact instead of focusing on how big and overwhelming everything feels. Taking action—even in small ways—can help you regain a sense of agency. Some ways to take action can include:

• Volunteering for causes you believe in
• Contacting your elected representatives
• Participating in peaceful activism
• Educating others on issues that matter to you
• Donating to organizations that support values that matter to you

Taking concrete steps allows you to channel your emotions into constructive efforts rather than feeling powerless and that powerlessness can feel debilitating and paralyzing which is what we are trying to avoid.
4. Prioritize Self-Care and Grounding Techniques
When stress feels overwhelming, self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity! Some helpful strategies include:

• Breathing exercises: Deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation can help regulate your nervous system.
• Physical movement: Exercise, yoga, or even a short walk outdoors can provide relief.
• Creative outlets: Art, music, and writing can be therapeutic ways to express emotions.
• Time in nature: Spending time outside can help you feel more grounded and connected to something larger than yourself.
• Time with positive supports: spend time with people who fill your cup back up.
• Disconnect: I said it before, and I’ll say it again – take a break from social media. It will always be there to go back to, but when your anxiety is escalated you need to step away.

If you have the resources, you can also look into things like massage, acupuncture, sauna, or anything else that can help to bring down your heart rate and re-regulate your nervous system.
5. Lean on Your Support System
You don’t have to face these feelings alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups that align with your values and experiences. Talking with like-minded people can provide reassurance and remind you that you are not alone in your concerns.
6. Consider Professional Support
If political anxiety is significantly impacting your daily life, therapy can be a valuable space to process emotions and develop coping strategies. A therapist can help you navigate feelings of fear, anger, or hopelessness in a way that supports your overall well-being. There is nothing wrong with asking a therapist if their political views align with yours when you are reaching out to set up an initial session, especially if political anxiety is part of what is bringing you to treatment.
7. Find Hope and Perspective
While the world can feel chaotic, history has shown that progress is possible. Change often takes time, and collective efforts have led to meaningful advancements over generations. Focusing on resilience, community, and the values you hold dear can help sustain hope during difficult times. Find the stories that make you feel hopeful, and send letters/emails of appreciation to legislators that vote in favor of your values.
Final Thoughts
Your feelings about political and social issues are valid, and it’s okay to be deeply affected by the world around you. However, your well-being matters, too and you are no good to the fight that you want to fight if you are too overwhelmed to figure out the path toward power for you. By taking steps to manage stress, set boundaries, and engage in meaningful action, you can find ways to stay informed and involved without sacrificing your mental health.
If you need additional support, therapy can provide a safe space to explore these concerns and build resilience. You are not alone in this, and your feelings, voice, and well-being matter!
 

Social media has revolutionized how we connect, learn, and share. It also offers access to information that cannot be accessed anywhere else, allows us to stay in touch with loved ones, and provides platforms for self-expression. As a therapist, I’ve also seen firsthand how it can impact mental health—sometimes for the better, but often unfortunately for the worse. Understanding the pros and cons of social media use and learning strategies to manage your usage can help you to create a healthier relationship with these platforms.

The Pros of Social Media

• Connection: Social media bridges geographic gaps, allowing people to maintain relationships across distances. I love that I have been able to maintain connections with people from all different seasons of my life including friends and extended family.
• Community Building: It helps to create connections over so many different topics. We have seen this with such phenomenon like BookTok which has played a huge role in the reading boom of recent years. It creates spaces for support and solidarity, especially for marginalized groups or those with niche interests.
• Access to Resources: Many users find valuable content on social media around topics like gardening, hobbies, mental health, educational tools, and exercise/fitness.
• Creativity and Inspiration: Social media is a hub for sharing art, ideas, and inspiration, encouraging personal growth and creativity and is a free space to share it with the world.

The Cons of Social Media

• Comparison and Low Self-Esteem: Constantly seeing curated highlights of others’ lives can lead to unhealthy comparisons and impact how we see ourselves. Even with the best intentions, some of the profiles and people we follow may be negatively impacting our self-worth.  For example, I have had many clients tell me that they follow fitness focused accounts as they thought they would be inspiring and help with motivate them to move more.  Instead, these profiles can actually make them feel worse by making them feel guilty for not exercising.
• Comparisons around Likes, Shares, and Comments: We all want to be seen.  It is a natural human desire because of our need and want for connection.  It’s very easy to compare yourself to others because the numbers don’t lie.  We see other people getting more likes and attention on their posts and we struggle with our own worth when we do not get the same.
• Social Relationship Impact: FOMO is real, and when we see our friends doing fun things in their posts, we can feel left out or jealous. This is especially present when we see our friends together without us. The negative self-talk associated with not being included can take a very heavy toll on our self-worth.
• Information Overload: The endless stream of content can cause anxiety and mental fatigue. Because of the nature of reels and posts, we can get caught in an overload trap with non-stop information.  We also know the way algorithms work and the more we watch something about a topic, the more that topic will show up.  So even if we know that watching videos about gardening or cute dogs will help us to feel better, we get caught in seeing less cup filling things more often in our quest to stay informed.
• Disrupted Boundaries: Notifications and constant accessibility blur the line between work, rest, and leisure. I especially see this in my sessions with couples when the topic of phone use comes up as a distraction from quality time.  This also can impact our sleep schedule, and getting work done.
• Social Pressure: Feeling obligated to comment on trending topics or share content can create stress, particularly when grappling with privilege or societal expectations. We can feel the pressure to share about a topic to help increase others’ awareness and to help that topic to get more attention but this can also impact us and create flooding which leads to anxiety.

Strategies to Reduce Time Spent on Social Media
1.    Change Notifications on Your Phone Notifications are designed to draw your attention. Turning off non-essential alerts can significantly reduce distractions. Use “Do Not Disturb” for certain times of day or customize notification settings to regain control over your attention.
2.    Move and Hide Apps Place social media apps in less accessible locations on your phone. For example, move them to the second page of your home screen or into folders. Simultaneously, make more productive or calming apps (like reading apps or meditation tools) more prominent. I know for me, I put my kindle app where I used to have my social media folder.  This has helped me to choose to read for 5-10 min when I need a mental break instead of scrolling.
3.    Set Time Limits Most smartphones have features that allow you to set daily usage limits for apps. These reminders encourage mindfulness about how much time you spend scrolling. When you hit your limit, honor it and step away.
4.    Curate Your Timeline Regularly audit your feed. Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate or overwhelmed or ones that don’t bring you happiness and joy. Follow creators and organizations that inspire, uplift, or align with your values. This helps transform your timeline into a positive space.
5.    Engage in Self-Exploration Reflect on how social media affects you personally. What aspects do you find positive? Which parts cause stress or negativity? Understanding your relationship with social media can guide your choices and boundaries.
6.    Reduce Information Overload Limit the number of accounts you follow, particularly news or opinion-heavy sources. Choose a few trusted outlets for essential updates and set aside specific times to consume this information rather than grazing throughout the day.
7.    Decrease Comparisons Remember that social media is a highlight reel, not a full picture of anyone’s life. Practice gratitude for your own journey and accomplishments. Focusing on your unique path helps diminish the urge to compare.
8.    Let Go of Guilt It’s okay to step back from social media, even during significant events. Recognize that your voice matters, but your mental health is just as important. You can contribute meaningfully in ways that feel authentic to you, without succumbing to guilt or performative sharing.

​Final Thoughts
Social media isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s a tool. How you use it determines its impact on your mental health. By setting boundaries, being intentional about what you consume, and exploring your personal needs, you can maintain a balanced and healthy relationship with these platforms.
Social media use is practically unavoidable in our current world, and in many ways, that’s ok. We just need to focus on how to use it in a healthy way. If you find social media continues to affect your mental health despite these strategies, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Together, we can work on building habits that prioritize your well-being in an increasingly digital world.
 

Instead of a New Year’s Resolution: Reflect, Refocus, Grow, and Thrive
The start of a new year often brings the pressure of resolutions—promises we make to ourselves to change, achieve, or improve. Unfortunately, even with the best intentions our resolutions often leave us in a cycle of negative self-talk when we don’t follow through *exactly* as we picture. So, what if we approached the new year differently? Instead of setting a resolution, take a moment to reflect on the year past and intentionally shape the year ahead. This gentle and introspective approach can set the tone for a more peaceful, fulfilling, and meaningful 2025!
What Do You Want to Take with You From 2024 Into 2025?
Begin by reflecting on the past year. What moments, habits, or experiences brought you joy, peace, or growth?

• Celebrate Your Wins: Maybe you developed a habit of journaling that helped you process your emotions, or you cultivated stronger relationships with loved ones. Maybe you set effective and healthy boundaries, started a new hobby that brought you peace and joy, or even went on the vacation you have been planning for years. These are achievements should be celebrated and then carried forward into the New Year.
• Acknowledge Strengths: Think about the qualities you’ve leaned on during challenging times, such as resilience, patience, or creativity. These strengths can serve as guiding lights in the new year and then built upon as you continue to grow and identify more strengths as well.

Carrying these wins, strengths, and points of positivity with you will help you to build on a foundation of gratitude and growth as you enter 2025.
What Do You Want to Leave Behind in 2024?
Equally important is deciding what no longer serves you. Reflect on habits, patterns, or mindsets that weighed you down in 2024 or even before and decide what you can leave behind.

• Identify What Holds You Back: Maybe it’s overcommitting to things that drain your energy, self-doubt that keeps you from trying new things, or a fear of failure that stifles progress. Maybe it’s even spending too much time on social media which can be full of triggers for anxiety and self-judgement. Reflecting on what holds you back, weighs you down, and takes away from your forward movement will help you to shed behaviors and habits that no longer serve you.
• Find Alternatives: Instead of leaving a void, think about what you can replace these with in 2025. For example:
  • Replace overcommitment with intentional boundaries.
  • Replace self-doubt with affirmations and small, achievable goals.
  • Replace fear of failure with curiosity and a willingness to learn.
  • Replace time on social media with a new hobby or activity that will fill your cup instead of drain it.

By consciously letting go and replacing negative patterns, you make room for positive growth and increased internal peace.
Choose a Word to Be Your Theme for 2025
Rather than a specific resolution this year, choosing a word to anchor your year can provide focus and inspiration. This word becomes your theme, your guiding principle, and a lens through which you view your decision and then hopefully take action. This word should reflect your own needs and wants and can act of a touch point for you throughout the year.

• Examples of Theme Words: There are so many possibilities and this is just a short list of a few options that some people might find helpful.
  • Growth: A commitment to personal and professional development.
  • Connection: Deepening relationships and fostering meaningful interactions.
  • Balance: Finding harmony between work, rest, and play.
  • Joy: Prioritizing happiness and seeking moments of delight.
  • Alignment: Making sure that your choices, actions, and behaviors align with one another to help you reach your goals.
  • Simplify: Taking time to reflect on the things and people that are important to you and letting go of things that no longer serve you.
  • Adventure: Taking chances on new activities and experiences.
  • Grounding: Taking time to reflect on things that bring you back to the present and orients you to what is around you in the moment.
  • Consistency: Sometimes we have the best intentions but we struggle with keeping them going, by focusing on consistency we can explore how to keep doing the things that make us feel good.

For me, the word of the year is Balance. Over the past year, I’ve struggled with finding my own equilibrium between taking care of my practice, myself, and taking care of others. This year, I’m committing to creating a harmony that nurtures both my own self-care and my relationships with those around me.
Take time to reflect on what you want your year to embody. Write this word down, display it where you can see it daily, and use it as a compass throughout the year to help guide you through the decisions you need to make and the choices that you face.
A New Year, Your Way
By shifting the focus from rigid resolutions to mindful reflection and intention-setting, you’re creating a personalized and compassionate approach to the new year. Take stock of your triumphs, release what no longer serves you, and set a theme that resonates with your aspirations.
​
Here’s to 2025 being a year of purpose, growth, and fulfillment—on your terms.

The holiday season can be a time of joy and togetherness, but it can also bring emotional stress, heightened expectations, and pressure to create "perfect" moments. It’s important to give yourself grace and remember that it’s okay if the holidays feel challenging. Here are some reminders and tips to help you find balance and peace during this time of year.
 
1. It’s Okay to Feel What You Feel
The holidays can evoke a range of emotions, from happiness to sadness, overwhelm to simple joy. Whether you’re grieving a loss, navigating family dynamics, or simply feeling drained by the season's demands, remind yourself that your feelings are valid. Because of the togetherness that is involved in the holidays, stressful relationships and even some history of trauma may surface. You don’t have to force yourself to feel merry when it’s not authentic – ESPECIALLY when it is not authentic. Be honest with yourself and lean on the people who care about you. Talk to your friends, or find a therapist to process through the complexity of your feelings.
 
2. Focus on Joyful Memories and Experiences
Shift your attention to creating experiences that genuinely make you happy. Whether it’s baking cookies with loved ones, watching your favorite holiday movies, or taking a peaceful walk or drive to admire holiday lights, prioritize activities that bring you joy and peace and let go of the pressure to do things that you think you should be doing.
 
3. Rediscover the Meaning of the Season
It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of shopping, decorating, and presenting a picture-perfect holiday. Instead, focus on the deeper meaning of the season—connection, gratitude, and giving. Let go of societal pressures to create moments for social media; instead, create moments for yourself and those you love.
 
4. Reevaluate Traditions
Traditions can be wonderful, but not all of them may still serve you. Take stock of the ones that bring you joy and consider letting go of those that feel like a chore. There is so much pressure to do what has always been done, and sometimes those things no longer bring us happiness. It’s okay to redefine what the holidays mean for you and your family and create new traditions. There is always time to reminisce and reflect on the moments that brought joy in the past while also letting go of the pressure to continue doing the same things today.
 
5. Let Go of Perfection
Perfection is an illusion, especially during the holidays. No tree, table setting, or gift will ever be flawless. Embrace the imperfections and remember that connection and authenticity matter far more than any idealized vision. Ten years from now, you will not remember how perfect you wrapped the gift, but you will remember the happiness you felt in shared experiences with those you love.
 
6. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Your Needs
Holiday gatherings and commitments can be overwhelming. Make space to check in with yourself and set boundaries when needed. Politely decline events or tasks that feel like too much. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
 
7. Reframe Gift Giving
If you are anything like me, you identify GIVING gifts as your love language. Gift giving should be a source of joy, not a competition. Choose meaningful, thoughtful gifts within your means, and don’t compare yourself to others. Remember, the act of giving is about love and thoughtfulness, not extravagance. Sometimes it can help to think outside the box too and give the gift of your time and shared experiences.  Those memories will last longer than a sweater or a toy.
 
8. Take Breaks
Amid the hustle and bustle, don’t forget to rest. Whether it’s sitting down with a cup of tea, taking a few deep breaths, or enjoying quiet time alone, regular breaks can help you recharge and stay present. One of my favorite things to do during the Christmas season is to play quiet Christmas music, sit with my dog with a cup of tea and a good book, and enjoy a cozy fire and my sparkling Christmas tree.
 
9. Make Time for the People Who Matter Most
Spend time with those who bring you happiness and fulfillment. Whether it’s close friends, family, or a partner, prioritize relationships that nourish you and make you feel seen and supported and let go of the people that bring you anxiety and stress.
 
10. Have Fun
The holidays are ultimately about joy. Allow yourself to laugh, play, and embrace the wonder of the season in ways that resonate with you. Fun doesn’t have to be extravagant—simple pleasures often bring the most delight.  Watch your favorite movies, bake your favorite cookies, and sing your favorite songs.
 
The holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. By prioritizing what truly matters and being kind to yourself, you can navigate this time of year with more peace, joy, fulfillment, and maybe even a little magic too.
 
 

As a therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how many of us grapple with heightened anxiety after election results are announced. It’s natural to feel a whirlwind of emotions in times like these, especially with so much uncertainty about what lies ahead. If you’re feeling unsettled, you’re not alone. Here are some ways to understand and respond to the post-election anxiety you may be experiencing, with a focus on acceptance, mindfulness, and action.

1. Accepting Your Emotions as Normal
Election results can evoke a spectrum of emotions—fear, frustration, sadness, even hope. Recognizing and accepting these feelings as a natural response to the unknown is the first step toward managing them. Many people experience a blend of emotions after an election, even if the outcome aligns with their hopes. Allow yourself to feel what comes up without judgment. Rather than trying to resist or suppress your anxiety, recognize that these feelings are a reflection of how deeply you care about your community and future.
Take time each day to name and sit with your emotions. You might say to yourself, "I'm feeling anxious because the future feels uncertain," or "I’m frustrated because I hoped for a different outcome." This simple practice of labeling your emotions can provide a sense of distance, allowing you to acknowledge them without being overwhelmed.

2. Identify What You Can and Cannot Change
One of the most grounding practices when facing uncertainty is to distinguish between what is within our control and what is not. While we can’t change the results of an election, we can focus on things within our control, such as how we respond, where we direct our energy, and how we choose to engage with our community.
Here’s a helpful exercise:

• Make a list of what you cannot change about the situation (e.g., the outcome of the election, others' reactions).
• Make a separate list of things you can influence or control, like how much news you consume, how you discuss politics and with whom, or how you contribute to the causes you care about.

By focusing on the things within our control, we create a sense of empowerment and agency, which helps to reduce feelings of helplessness and anxiety.

3. Identify Ways to Take Action
Channeling anxious energy into action can be a powerful way to regain a sense of agency. Consider how you can turn your concerns into meaningful contributions. If there are specific issues or causes that resonate with you, look for ways to get involved. This might mean volunteering, advocating for policies, or supporting organizations that align with your values.
Ways to get involved might include:

• Supporting Local Initiatives: Many issues can be impacted at the local level. Look into volunteer opportunities, local meetings, or groups where you can make a direct difference.
• Educating Yourself and Others: Knowledge is empowering. Staying informed and sharing reliable information with those around you can be a proactive step toward positive change.
• Connecting with Like-Minded Individuals: Finding community can offer comfort and strengthen your sense of purpose. Seek out local or virtual groups dedicated to causes you believe in. Connecting with others who share your passion can provide encouragement, perspective, and inspiration.

4. Cultivate Self-Care Practices
Managing post-election anxiety requires us to care for ourselves in ways that support mental well-being. This might look like:

• Setting Boundaries with Media: Continuous news exposure can keep us in a heightened state of anxiety. Limit your intake, schedule breaks, and seek out balanced perspectives when you do engage.
• Setting Boundaries with Social Media: While social media can at times be a place to escape, doom-scrolling is real and can contribute to high levels of anxiety for many people. Set timers on your phone to turn social media off at certain times or after spending a specific amount of time on it. “Hide” or remove the icons for social media apps on your phone so the muscle memory of clicking on them can get broken.
• Practicing Mindfulness or Meditation: Grounding practices help us stay present and calm, reducing anxiety about the future. Try five minutes of deep breathing or a short guided meditation each day to center yourself.
• Engaging in Physical Activity: Moving your body, whether through exercise, a walk in nature, or even stretching, releases endorphins and can help shift anxious energy.

​5. Stay Hopeful and Patient
Finally, remember that societal change is a long game. Progress may come in small steps, but each action taken, each conversation held, and each effort to make a positive impact adds up. You may feel discouraged or impatient at times, but keep reminding yourself that change is possible and that you’re part of a larger movement.

Post-election anxiety is a normal reaction to times of change and uncertainty. By accepting your emotions, focusing on what you can control, taking meaningful action, and caring for your well-being, you can navigate this period with resilience. Above all, know that your voice, feelings, and efforts matter, today and always.

​Talking to Your Children About Election Results
Election season can bring a mix of emotions, and as the results have come in, it’s natural for children to notice the atmosphere and energy around them. They might overhear conversations, catch snippets of news, or pick up on the emotions of adults around them. Throughout the morning, I have gotten texts and emails from my family, friends, and clients asking how to talk to their children about the results. As parents, it’s important to create a supportive environment where your children can express their feelings and ask questions. Here are some tips to help you guide these conversations with empathy and care.


1. Create a Safe Space for Questions
Children might not fully understand what an election or its outcomes mean. Invite them to ask questions and listen carefully to their concerns. Let them know it’s okay to feel confused, scared, or uncertain. Use simple language that matches their age and understanding.
Example: “Elections are when people choose leaders to make important decisions. It’s okay if you don’t understand everything. What questions do you have?” or “Its ok to feel scared, uncertain, or worried about how these elections might affect you, your family, or your friends.”
2. Keep Your Explanations Age-Appropriate
For younger children, a brief overview of what elections are may suffice. Older children may want to understand the impact of election results on specific issues, especially ones that have meaning to them and their identities. Tailor your explanations to their level of understanding and avoid unnecessary details that might fuel anxiety.
For Younger Kids: Focus on concepts of fairness and choice, like voting for class representatives or choosing what game to play at recess. Explore how sometimes what we want and who we want might not win, and we have to accept that.
For Older Kids/Teens: Discuss how elections can affect policies on things that matter to them, like identity, sexual orientation, education, the environment, or healthcare, while reinforcing that adults are working to address challenges. Especially with older kids, openness and honesty is important while also recognizing that they might need some level of emotional protection as well.  Identifying where to filter things and where to be honest will depend on your child and their emotional maturity.
3. Acknowledge and Validate Their Feelings
If your child expresses worry or fear about the results, let them know their feelings are valid. Normalize everything they are feeling, from grief, to sadness, to fear, to anger. Share that adults also feel all the emotions too, and maybe explore what you are feeling too.  You can also explain there are always people working to make things better and identify if there are things that you as a family can do together to feel like you are taking action.
Example: “I understand why this makes you feel worried. It’s okay to feel that way. Grown-ups are working hard to make sure our community is safe and strong and we will keep working on being good people.”
4. Focus on Stability and Reassurance
Children thrive on routine and stability. Reassure them that, regardless of these election outcomes, your family life and their daily routines will remain as consistent as it can. Do so with empathy and honesty. If things may change your family, remind your children that it is your responsibility to worry about things and that you will be honest with them if they will feel the impact.
Example: “Even though some things might change in the world around us, our family is here, and we will continue to care for each other.”
5. Highlight the Power of Participation and Kindness
Empower older children to feel hopeful by explaining the importance of civic engagement. Discuss ways people can make a difference, like community service or writing to elected officials. Emphasize the value of being kind and respectful, even when opinions differ. Remind your kids about the values of your family and that spreading goodness and kindness is a way of taking control in situations in which control doesn’t feel attainable.
Example: “People have different ideas about what’s best, but what’s important is that we treat everyone with respect. You can also have a say in the future when you’re older.”
6. Take Care of Your Own Emotions
Children often mirror the emotions of the adults around them. Take time to process your feelings and show your child how to handle emotions constructively. It’s okay to share that you’re feeling uncertain, too, but follow it with how you’re managing your feelings.
Example: “I feel a bit anxious today, so I’m taking deep breaths and thinking about what I can do to help our community.”
7. Encourage Healthy Outlets for Stress
Engage in calming activities as a family. Exercise, art, or simply spending time outdoors can help everyone feel more grounded. Encourage your child to express their worries through drawing, journaling, or play. Work on limiting social media if that is a trigger for you and model setting those limits and boundaries.


Conclusion: Election results can be complicated and emotional, even for adults. By maintaining open lines of communication, you can help your child feel heard, reassured, and supported. Remember, the goal isn’t to have all the answers but to be a source of stability and comfort during uncertain times.
 

​I have a friend who has said more times than I can count over the past few years,
“I hate our timeline,” and every single day I feel that deep in my soul. The compounding events happenings in our world and our country are becoming terrifyingly common. We call for change at the local, national, and international levels and the lack of action that follows is embarrassing.
 
I was a freshman in high school when the Columbine shooting happened. I remember so clearly watching the news, seeing the outrage then – over 24 years ago.  Everyone said, “This can’t happen again”, “There were warning signs with those individuals,” “we must be better,” and “we have to be better for our kids, we have to protect them”. Flash forward to the school shooting that was so very close to home for me – Sandy Hook. I remember the collective pain we all felt almost 11 years ago, over a decade after Columbine, and it feels like “this has to be it”. I couldn’t believe that this could be happening in my state, and I truly thought that would have been the moment for change because babies were gunned down in their elementary school classrooms.  I thought that just maybe that would have been enough for people who have power to turn their hearts away from their self-interest and instead toward the lives that are being lost senselessly and repeatedly.  But how naïve I was, if Columbine wasn’t enough, if Virginia Tech wasn’t enough, why would Sandy Hook have been enough?
 
This is not to discount all the shootings that have happened OUTSIDE of schools.  My hometown of Manchester, CT was faced with its own mass shooting in 2010 when a man opened fire on his coworkers at Hartford Distributors. Where can we feel safe in this country? We are supposed to be the greatest country in the world, and we are failing one another. We have seen mass shootings in workplaces, schools, churches, grocery stores, Walmart stores, concerts, factories, and now restaurants and bowling alleys… the list goes on and on and will keep going on and on until we create real change. This is a true and complete failure and only shows what people find important behind closed doors even if they are saying something different out loud. The inaction of our country around these atrocities is the loudest thing that we all should be paying the most attention to in the coming day and weeks.
 
So what does this mean for me, and why am I, as a therapist writing something about this on my mental health blog? There are a few reasons why.  Firstly, we are amidst another highly televised, most likely preventable mass shooting and I know for the next few days this is going to be a significant topic of conversation in my sessions. This shooting is also personally a more difficult event for me to process because it hits uncomfortable close as both my husband and I have family that call Lewiston home. Secondly, it’s the script that follows each of these events that makes it important for me to not be quiet. My ability to predict what will happen and will be said over the next few days should be alarming to you all too. And I am begging for this experience to prove me wrong.
 
We begin with outrage, fear, sadness, and for some reason disbelief (this keeps happening, how are people still pretending that they are surprised?). We hear, “This is horrible, how can this happen AGAIN”, or “How can this happen in my hometown, in my country.”
 
Then we get to the oh so important “thoughts and prayers,” that will last for a few days.  We send this love to the victims, their family, their friends, and society and humanity. What people must realize though is these thoughts and prayers spoken out loud and posted on social media mean nothing.  They are EMPTY without action.  If you and your elected officials do nothing, those “thoughts and prayers” that you are posting online are a slap in the face to the victims.
 
After the meaningless and empty regurgitation of the same “thoughts and prayers,” the voices who speak up say “we have to do something about this, we can’t let this happen again.”
 
Every single time I think, this is going to be the time, this will be it, this will be the moment where we FINALLY say enough is enough.
 
Then, the person is identified or hopefully apprehended, sometimes he is killed by law enforcement or found dead by self-inflicted wounds. We collectively have some relief, we temporarily feel safer because that one individual is no longer out there, terrorizing us as we worry waiting to see what he does next.  Finally, we can act.  We can DO something. We do not need to focus on the manhunt.  We can look to understand then create policies that can elicit change.
 
Unfortunately, I am always proven wrong.  My hopes are shattered. We find out there were warning signs. There were ways this could have been prevented.  The focus is directed away from common sense gun laws by those who don’t want them to something else that feels “easier” to blame so these politicians do not have to get their hands dirty or go against the groups that are padding their pockets. Often a history of mental health issues surfaces. And, of course, I love the idea of a focus on mental health treatment. We have some surface discussions about what can happen next to help the mental health crisis that our country is facing. 
 
But then, as the news cycles change, the mental health piece gets lost. I can tell you as a mental health provider in this country, providing care only gets more difficult. Many insurance companies are fighting us tooth and nail about covering care.  Some are even trying to reduce our reimbursement. If the conclusion of all these mass shootings is that mental health is at the root of the problem, why are we making it harder for providers to do their jobs? If we know there is a history of warning signs, why do we as mental health providers not have any power to do anything about these signs that we see? I am not allowed to force a client who is suicidal to go to the hospital, and I am not allowed to report a client that I think might be unsafe to society unless that person makes a direct threat to a specific person or group of people. Make it make sense!
 
There is also the hypocrisy of people stating they support police, but don’t support common sense guns laws. And the fact that people turn a blind eye to their own hypocrisy to focus on their own self-interests.  Our country elects officials that refuse to do anything about this, while also claiming to care about their fellow man and fellow Americans.  Their claim to be Christians truly makes me sick to my stomach and I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. You cannot be pro-life while continuing to turn a blind eye to all this that is happening around you, that only makes you pro-birth.
 
I want you all to know though, that if you are feeling that same way I am feeling it means that you are human.  If you are feeling sick, you are feeling hopeless, you are feeling overwhelming dread, its because you are human and YOU care about other people. It would be more alarming if you were not feeling these things while we are all sitting here together thinking about the lives that were lost and the families that will never be the same. If you are NOT feeling these things in some way, shape or form today, it is time for some reflection on what is important to you and why.
 
So, I challenge you all to really reflect on what you have power to do.  Election day is less than 2 weeks away.  Which side will you be on when it comes to life and death?

​Today is World Arthritis Day, and it’s my first since being diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis this past year.  As this day comes it has made me reflect a bit on my own journey and the journey of those with chronic pain and chronic illness and how these are connected to mental health as well.
 
Chronic pain has been described as a silent disability.  Most people, if they look at me or at someone else with something like PsA or RA, would have no idea that something so painful is going on internally.  When you look at me, you don’t necessarily see my pain because my joints aren’t all visibly swollen.  When I walk, I try to mask the pain in my joints and adapt to a different gait because walking just around my house can feel like I’m walking on shards of glass. I make excuses for taking an escalator or elevator because sometimes my knees feel too stiff to think about stairs.  Even my psoriasis (thank goodness) is in a place that is not visible to others. There are also so many symptoms involved in an illness like mine that people would never connect to a joint disorder.  When I have told people that I am on this new journey, it has even been dismissed as “just arthritis” and I want to say to them yeah, I wish that was the case. Not only are my joints themselves painful, the tendons and ligaments around them are inflamed as well, which feels excruciating. I’m exhausted some days in a way that I cannot even begin to describe and beyond just a bad night’s sleep.  I don’t sleep sometimes either, as either the pain keeps me awake or wakes me up, or insomnia just takes over. I get anxious when I travel wondering what sleeping in a bed other than my own might do to my functionality. I have brain fog, I get distracted, I get anxiety, and my mood can be affected too.
 
Living with something like this can create anxiety, social isolation, and even depression. I’m faced with decision fatigue as I work through deciding to participate in activities or not. I can injure myself or cause a flare easily by overdoing things which creates anxiety about making decisions – do I exercise because I know my body needs it and it will make me feel better, or do I listen to my body when it is telling me it needs a rest? All things I love – cooking, exercising, hiking, walking, crocheting, travelling – are affected in a way I could never have imagined.  The tasks involved in taking care of myself, my home, my yard all feel so much bigger than they did before and I have to weigh out the pros and cons of every decision I make regarding every task I am faced with.
 
One of the most complicated parts of living with chronic pain is how it is dismissed in our world and how as a woman I am even more likely to be dismissed than a man presenting with the same symptoms to the same doctors.  I was injured in a car accident when I was in high school and had to have two back surgeries which has led to significant chronic back issues. For years pain was attributed to this injury and doctors struggled to get beyond the saying of when you hear hoofbeats, think horses and not zebras.  I would go to doctors explaining how I had pain in joints throughout my body for no reason and was told there was nothing that could be done. I even had a doctor who told me that my pain was just something I was going to have to deal with for the rest of my life and that I would just have to “deal”. I was told to exercise more, lose weight, change my diet, meditate.  It felt as though these doctors were treating my pain as somatization, and not listening to me. As a mental health professional, sitting in that room, I was appalled and as a human being I was devastated.  I know pain, I know broken back in four places pain, and I was being dismissed.
 
Because of this dismissal by the professionals, I would dismiss my own pain too. I would pretend that my pain wasn’t as bas as it was.  If the doctors thought my symptoms were somatic, why wouldn’t I? I would blame myself, I would push through pain, doing the things they would tell me would make things better, only to make it worse. I would get caught in a cycle that just kept feeding into itself, creating more pain, making me feel worse and worse about myself and who and what I was in the world.
 
It took me continuing to advocate for myself, to say that I was not okay once I finally admitted it to myself.  It took me drawing connections between the different pain I had, the overwhelming fatigue, and the brain fog. It took my hairdresser finally telling me the psoriasis on my head was not okay and that I should see a dermatologist and then that female dermatologist hearing me and validating my pain and telling me I need to see my rheumatologist. It took my rheumatologist doing more bloodwork and seeing how bad my inflammation markers were.
 
I tell you this story not to get your sympathy or even your empathy. I tell you this story so that if you are experiencing or have experienced something similar that you know you are not alone. I tell you this story to hopefully help you find strength to keep advocating for yourself and to not allow dismissal to be your only answer.

​Hello, my name is Kristina and I’m a perfectionist.  This can also read as control freak, overachiever, rule follower, problem solver, procrastinator, or even annoying wife. Also, what I have come to realize is that my perfectionism doesn’t just affect me, but it also affects my work, my relationships, and even my health at times.
 
The past year or so has been tough for me and while I am not going to get into all of that here, the levels of discomfort in not being enough has been overwhelming and even paralyzing for me.  I have even struggled with getting myself to write a post because I wasn’t sure how “perfect” I could make it with everything else running through my brain and therefore in my own black-and-white-thinking way, I prevented myself from putting any words together.  I thought about it often, but I allowed my own self-doubt to create a pattern of procrastination that kept putting it off until “things were better” and I could get as close to perfect as I thought I needed to be.
 
I have been someone who has put pressure on myself my whole life to do things exactly how they are meant to be. I am the product of a Catholic school education where we followed rules. When I was young, my parents had to console me and tell me that it was ok when I didn’t do things perfectly or if I didn’t get all the As, and that if I tried my best that was all that mattered. I struggled when my best was not perfect because in my mind that meant I was not good enough.
 
I get anxious when I see things that don’t look or feel right, and sometimes even struggle to distract my brain from them even when they have nothing to do with me. I feel discomfort when things do not feel as though they are in the right place, or done the right way.  When anything is incomplete, to be decided, or up in the air I feel an overwhelming feeling of disquiet.  When I get caught in these thoughts, I want to find a solution and my brain goes through all possible fixes until I come up with what I think is the right way to move forward.  This gets even further complicated when I do not have control of these things because then the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness mix in with my discomfort and my brain feels like it might explode.
 
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do pride myself in the fact that I am a problem solver. This is something I like about myself.  But this is a double-edged sword because I find validation in my ability to fix things but then my brain never stops trying to solve problems because I want that continued validation and I get frustrated by situations that cannot be fixed. I see something and immediately my brain starts creating 10 different options for how to make this thing that I can so obviously see isn’t working, better.  Unfortunately for people like me, who have a brain like mine, when solutions cannot be found it feels very unsettling and completely exhausting.
 
So yes, innately being a problem solver, being a go-getter, or being a perfectionist is a really good thing. I think being able to see big pictures and opportunities for change and to make things better is a true strength of mine. I think I am the therapist I am because I can see the system (that is the relationships that they have with people and how those relationship impact them and vice versa) that my clients are in, and I begin to form hypotheses for how things could be different without even realizing it. I love being able to help and support my friends and family in my personal life as well. I like being someone who others can lean upon and know that I can help to find fixes for their struggles too.
 
This mindset can create struggles for those of us in this unlucky club because we also do not know how to say no.  We THRIVE on others knowing we can and will do our best job at all tasks and will help them in all ways. We define the love language of “words of affirmation”. Because of this, in our jobs, relationships, everywhere, people know they can ask us to do things, that we will volunteer to do things, and we will put 100% (or more) into them. Because of this, we are always presented with opportunities to do more as well. This can lead to people like me being taken for granted or even worse taken advantage of.  We create patterns in our relationships from work to friends to family in which people always lean on us and we don’t always feel like we can lean the other way.
 
My fellow perfectionists and I can also struggle, with how we project our perfectionism onto others because we feel as though if we can give our all, others can and should do the same. What we must realize is that our “all” is typically more than we actually have to give and in the same way we might see others setting boundaries, we have to follow suit.  We keep pouring from our own cup until we are empty, but we don’t always have people there who are willing to refill it. We need to set boundaries with people who are unwilling to give anything at all.  We must see our worth, recognize how others are taking advantage of our drive, and realize that the relationship and the patterns are no longer healthy for us or creating balance in our lives. We must focus on the people who give back to us and fill our lives with those people.
 
We also need to accept that there truly is no such thing as perfect. Nothing can be or will ever be perfect. Perfect is a snapshot in the everchanging world we live in.  Perfect is the picture we put on social media for others to see that prevents us from seeing the beauty in movement of the things around us and accept that the beauty is in the imperfect. Perfect is the thing that prevents us from showing others our true, anxious, work in progress, inner selves. We must accept what is truly out of our control.
 
Throughout my life I have been thrown some curve balls that couldn’t be caught, couldn’t be handled, couldn’t be hit. When those curve balls have come my way, I have really had to reflect on what it means to accept that I might not be able to do things in the perfect way my mind wants and pictures. 
 
I have had to accept that I cannot always know what is going to come next, what the outcome is going to be, and that not everything is something we can prepare for.  Trauma has an effect on us that often leads to some of these patterns I have talked about.  When we go through trauma, our brains decide that under no circumstances do we ever want to go through anything even remotely similar to that trauma ever again.  This is often where the idea of trying to control all things comes from.  We want to control all things to prevent anything like the trauma from happening because we can’t be sure where the next trauma might come from. We have all-or-nothing thoughts that permeate all our actions, decisions, thoughts, and relationships.
 
So let’s work on letting go of the idea of perfect. 
Let’s recognize our limits. 
Let’s see our strengths, but also our weaknesses.
Let’s embrace our imperfections as things that make us unique and special.
Let’s see our scars as part of our journey.
Let’s find the people who want to fill our cups back up.
Let’s give ourselves grace.
Let’s let ourselves rest.
Let’s be happy with who we are.

It feels like the overwhelming theme of sessions recently has been an underlying layer of existential dread. This dread is typically founded upon personal experiences that disrupt our sense of reality and overall purpose. But now in our current world circumstances, instead of the dread being rooted in personal experiences it is solidly rooted in the goings on of the country and world at large. We are spiraling in a state of hopelessness as we are faced with real threats in all areas of our world, and it feels like that spiral is leading directly into a rabbit hole of fear, helplessness, anger, and deep sadness. We are questioning our meaning, our purpose, and especially our future which is affecting our ability to work through our depression, our anxiety, and the heaviness of all that is being thrown at us. Things that felt so certain before no longer feel that way and we are beginning to recognize that some things we once took for granted are no longer even a reality.
 
The mental health struggles we had before, or ones that may have come up since the disruption of the security, safety, and stability that some of us once felt is being exacerbated by the chaotic world we are living in, and we are struggling with how to resolve work through our personal struggles and traumas in a world that feels so uncertain. Those of us who feel different levels of privilege are struggling with how to both make sense of how we may find ourselves in what feels like a “lucky” position, while feeling out of control and out of options for how to help or save others. Fear and anxiety are at an all-time high as polarization becomes more extreme in our country and we are struggling with how to find our way back toward necessary connections and to somehow find healing.  We are trying to figure out how to work together against so many of the threats that are coming from all sides.
 
So, just like you, and so many of my clients. I am deep in my feelings about all of this.  As I talk with my clients, I empathize, and I try to help them to find options for trying to survive in all of this.  I wanted to share with you some of the things I have come up with. I know this list is not exhaustive, nor does it fix the larger issues that are creating the weight, but I hope something on this list can help you, even just a little bit, to feel like some of the weight has been lifted. 
​
1. Stay informed, but make sure you don’t allow yourself to get flooded.
In 2022, we always have ALL the information at our literal fingertips.  We are constantly being bombarded with news being thrown at us from all angles.  We turn the TV on and there are channels upon channels with 24 hours of news.  We go on social media, and we are faced with clips, posts, and opinions about what is going on in our world and these posts are posted and reposted ad nauseam.  It is a lot.  Staying informed is so important – sticking our heads in the sand will not make the atrocities of the world go away and like all avoidance tactics, once we are hit with the reality of things after attempts to ignore them, they will feel even heavier than if we allowed ourselves to absorb them as they come.  The important thing here is to stay informed while preventing flooding.  Flooding is when we are faced with the maximum level of triggers and information at the same time, and this often leads to shutting down and shutting out. The focus needs to be on identifying reputable sources and limiting the amount of time spent taking in the information.  This is how to make sure we are knowledgeable, while also allowing ourselves space away from it as well.
 
2.Curate your social media and unfollow accounts that can be triggering for you.
As I said above, remaining informed is important.  We should all be sure to stay informed about what is going on in our country and in our world and then how those things will affect us in our lives.  There are real things happening and those real things can and will have a real impact on our lives now and in the future and therefore cannot and should not be ignored.  We also know that many of us get our information from social media but that the accounts we follow can be inaccurate, flooding, and triggering.  Check the accounts you follow – does it provide accurate informed information? If not, unfollow them.  Do you feel flooded by the number of accounts you follow that are focused on political topics? If so, select the ones that are most important, most accurate, and most interesting to you, and unfollow the rest.  Having thirty accounts sharing the same stories, same posts, and same memes is unnecessary and can lead to feeling flooded by repeated triggers.  Are you feeling triggered by your social media when you want it to be a place to escape to and distract yourself from the topics that feel overwhelming? Limit yourself and set timers on your phone for how much time you can spend each day on social media.  Snooze the accounts that are most triggering and let your social media be a place to see videos of dogs, how tos, friends, family, and anything else that you find relaxing.  Curate your social media to your needs and create a space that is healthiest for you.
 
3.Take control of what you can and allow yourself to let go of what you can’t. 
Wars, the insurrection and the threat of civil war, wildfires and the larger issues of global warming, global pandemics, social injustices, racism and racial inequality, mass shootings, threats to women’s rights and healthcare, threats to healthcare access in general, threats to LGBTQI rights and marriage equality, inflation, economic crisis and a threat of a recession or depression, and on and on and on.  When you think of all these things happening at one time, it is amazing that any of us are surviving the way we are.  This is overwhelming and it is truly impossible for any one person to take complete control and create change in all these areas, especially all at once. The weight of the helplessness to make change can feel heavy and hopeless when we think about how small we are individually in this big world we live in. What you CAN do is identify what you actually can do.  Figure out ways to make change, figure out how to take action that feels manageable and doable and let go of any guilt you may feel for not doing more.  One person cannot fix everything, but what one person can do can begin a ripple effect outward into the world.  Recognize and honor that.
 
4.Focus on making small changes – the ripple effect can be real.
As I said above, focus on what you can change.   Identifying ways to create change in your home, in your community, and in your workplace can have a ripple effect on others around you.  Raise kind, loving, and accepting children. Challenge friends and colleagues that threaten the rights, liberties, and freedoms of others from an informed and supportive place.  Making changes in choices in your home that can be impactful for the environment.  Write letters, support non-profits, volunteer.  No act is too small, but no action will contribute to feeling overwhelmed and most likely increase feelings of guilt.
 
5.Acknowledge your privilege but try not to feel guilty about it.
We must recognize our personal privileges for any change to happen, but we should do this without feeling guilt.  The guilt can be toxic, and that toxicity may in fact prevent us from taking larger action as guilt begins a slippery slope to shame and shame often leads to inaction.  Guilt can, at times, feel paralyzing and when you become paralyzed, you will not do anything to create change.  Instead, recognize your privilege and use that privileged place to create change and your privileged voice to speak truth to those who do not want to, or have not yet heard it.   Allow yourself to do the things you need to do to take care of yourself and your family without guilt.  Feeling guilt regarding the importance or impact of your job in the larger world will not change the circumstances, utilizing the stability of your status in your own state of privilege will.
 
6.Try to distract yourself where you can and utilize healthy grounding and coping skills.
Please, if you do anything, please find ways to distract yourself.  We cannot survive in heightened states of anxiety, and stress hormones are not good for our physical or emotional health.  You must find ways to focus your mind on other things and get out the anxious and stressed energy that the world around us creates.  As we know from the book Burnout by, Emily and Amelia Nagoski, to heal our current inevitable burnout, we must close out our stress cycles. This is going to look different for everyone and each person needs to identify the ways to get this energy our and create space for more relaxed energy as well.  Get outside in nature and listen to birds sing.  Go for a walk and listen to your favorite songs, podcast, or a great audio book that you can get lost in.  Implement an exercise routine that you enjoy and will be able to motivate yourself to do on your own or find a good workout buddy or personal trainer that will help hold you accountable.  Find books that you enjoy reading or even join a book club and chat with your friends about the book instead of the chaos of our world.  Eat healthy to fuel your body to help it cope with the physical effects of the stress.  Ground yourself in the present moment and find things in your life that you appreciate and can find joy in.  Honor your stress and the normal response you have to the world around you, but also try to balance that out with the love you have for the people and things around you. 
 
7.Make sure you have good sleep hygiene.
Sleep.  Having good sleep hygiene is one of the most important ways to set ourselves up to effectively cope with the stress of our current world.  Create a bedtime routine that you follow every night, this will help your mind and body know that it is time to go to sleep and begin winding down.  If falling asleep is an issue, try to avoid looking at your phone or watching the news in your bedroom which will aid your brain in identifying your bedroom as a safe space for you. If alcohol disrupts your sleep, try avoiding it until you create a healthy circadian rhythm again, or limiting your intake. Talk to your doctor about possibly using sleep aids if you are unable to quiet your mind and get yourself to sleep.  Avoid triggers in the hour leading up to sleep and identify ways to relax your brain and body.  Make your bedroom a comfortable and cozy refuge from the chaos by filling is with things that touch all 5 senses in a relaxing way.
 
8.Remember that you are feeling what you are feeling because you are an empathetic human that cares about other people.
This is the most important.  The overwhelming feelings of stress, fear, and hopelessness we are experiencing are not just about us, these feelings are also rooted in the empathy we have for others.  If you are feeling angry about all these atrocities, good, you are human and you are having a normal human response to some pretty horrible things that are affecting people outside of just you or your inner circle.  If you are feeling hopeless, know you are not alone, any of us who care about other people should be feeling some sense of hopelessness right now.  If you are afraid of the things going on in this world, know that some of those fears are real and rational and are an expected response to the overwhelming burden of the breadth of the chaos around us.  Please know, fellow empaths, that you are not alone and that we can carry this weight together.