When we picture the holidays, many of us imagine the idealized versions we grew up with or the ones we see in Christmas movies filled with cookie baking, perfect presents, and effortless family togetherness. These portrayals leave out the real human experiences that come with this time of year. In reality, the holidays can bring stress, pressure, trauma triggers, and emotional overwhelm. Whether you’re navigating financial strain, managing complicated family dynamics, balancing expectations across multiple households, or simply carrying the mental load of “making the holidays perfect,” your feelings are valid.
If you find yourself struggling through the holiday season, you’re not alone and there are ways to support yourself through it. Here are some strategies to help you cope with the specific stressors that this time of year can bring.

Coping With Financial Pressures
The commercialization of the holidays can make even the most grounded person feel like they’re not doing “enough” and can bring about guilt and shame for not being able to keep up with what we assume everyone else is doing.

Try these:
• Set a realistic budge that reflects your actual capacity, not the pressure of expectations from those around you, social media, or the weight of what people want of you that is not realistic.
• Communicate upfront with family or friends about spending limits or alternative ways to celebrate. The holidays should be about being together and not about how much we are all spending.
• Shift focus from gifts to moments shared meals, meaningful conversations, or simple rituals and traditions. These can often create more connection than anything bought in a store. Think: watching your favorite holiday movie together cozied up on the couch, baking or cooking a special family recipe, decorating a tree together, or anything else that has more meaning than a price tag on a gift.
• Practice self-compassion. Financial stress is not a personal failure and is unfortunately a heavy part of life right now for many Americans as prices increase and pressures grow heavier. Give yourself grace for your limits.

Managing the Mental Load
If you’re the person who keeps the holiday trains running by planning, shopping, hosting, coordinating, creating the “magic” and so much more, the invisible labor can be heavy and take away from the actual magic you are trying to create and can lead to resentment toward your partner that is not “pulling their weight”.

Try these:
• Delegate intentionally. Ask others to take on specific tasks, they will probably thank you for being direct, and you can thank them for supporting you. This can also mean doing things together which is a huge part of what the holiday season is about.
• Simplify whenever possible. Traditions often lead to pressures. We want to hold on to how things have been done because of the meaning behind them, the memories they remind us of, and the people and past we want to honor. Unfortunately, some traditions no longer fit into our lives and may lead to resentment. Sometimes we have to let go of old ways to make room for new ones, and that’s ok. Think about what you WANT to do and recognize the way and let go of anything that leads to resentment or just doesn’t bring you happiness anymore.
• Pause and check in with your body. When our to do lists are long, our stress levels lead to very activated nervous systems. Make room for checking in with your body and taking care of it too. The people around you are going to hold on to how you make them feel, not how perfectly your table is set. The same goes for you too.

Handling Complex Family Relationships
Holidays can bring us closer to people we love, and people who trigger old wounds.

Try these:
• Set boundaries you can keep. You are allowed to set boundaries, even if your family doesn’t believe in them. Consider time limits, topics you won’t discuss, or planned breaks for fresh air away from the people who trigger you. Make things clear so people know what to expect. Their resentment is not your problem.
• Prepare a “coping plan” for when your inevitably get triggered. This can be a phrase to excuse yourself, a supportive partner or friend to text, or an activity that offers you a moment of regulation in the moments that can become too much.
• Allow yourself emotional neutrality. You don’t have to perform joy for anyone, and it is okay if what you are doing does not bring you joy. You can then take any information you take in and use that to set boundaries moving forward.

Navigating Differing Political Views
Political tensions can run high around the dinner table, and the holiday season table is no exception. You decide what to do when people will be at your holiday get togethers that do not share your views. Some people choose to not attend their family holidays for this reason and that is okay.  Others will choose to go because of the importance of family for them, and that is okay too. Neither is the absolute right answer and we cannot judge people for the decisions that they make.

Try these:
• Decide ahead of time how much you’re willing to discuss. Some families make “no-politics” rules when they are together. While some will say this is “selling out” I think this boundary, as long as it is respected by all, can be one of the healthier ways to handle differences because if we have learned nothing else, we know we are not changing people’s minds on the beliefs they feel strongly about and the holiday dinner table is also not the place to try to make this happen.
• Use opt-out phrases like: “I can see this matters to you; I’m not going to get into this today,” or “Let’s focus on enjoying our time together.”
• Protect your energy. Disengaging is not the same as being passive, it’s choosing peace over conflict. As I said above, if we have learned anything, it is that we do not change people’s perspectives by arguing with them, especially over a holiday meal. Focus on why you are choosing to be there instead of the differences in opinion.
• And, if none of these things feel okay for you, consider making other plans. It is okay to choose to not attend a holiday with people that do not make you feel safe, who vote/have voted against your specific rights or identity, or who have such differing views as you that it is hard to be around them right now. Your emotional safety is the most important.

Balancing Holidays Across Partnered Families
Being in a partnership often means trying to balance two sets of traditions, expectations, and needs — and that can be incredibly challenging. We may want to spend time with our own families and honor the rituals we grew up with, yet it can feel increasingly difficult to make everything work for both people and both families. As many of us live farther from our families of origin, the logistics of seeing everyone become even more complicated. On top of that, we may feel pressure from loved ones whose hopes or expectations don’t always align with what we or our partner  truly want.
Try these:
• Talk openly as a couple before the season begins: What matters most to each of you? What drains you? What’s non-negotiable? Where can you both make compromises?
• Create a shared plan that reflects both of your needs not just the loudest family’s preference. Be aware of being flexible with one another and hearing one another’s need with love and respect.
• Let the plan be flexible. You can alternate years, shorten visits, or create your own rituals that belong only to the two of you. As I already said, traditions can be wonderful things, and they can also be heavy weights to carry as we try to differentiate and become our own selves.

Ensuring Your Voice Is Heard
Holidays often amplify old relational roles: the peacemaker, the helper, the quiet one, the golden child, the black sheep. You are allowed to step out of those roles, especially as you become an adult and get to define your own identity. If others are holding on to those perspectives of you, that is a them problem, not a you problem.

Try these:
• Name your needs clearly and kindly. You can try “I need a slower morning,” “I’m not able to host this year,” or even “I need to give smaller gifts this year.”  If you’re being realistic and respectful in expressing your needs, it’s important to remember that other people’s discomfort is theirs to work through, not yours to carry.
• Set boundaries without apology. Limits don’t make you unkind, they make you human. Again, making sure you are being respectful and authentic in the most important thing. While it might seem scary to be vulnerable in this way, it will be the best path to getting what you need.
• Practice small moments of self-advocacy. Even one sentence can shift the dynamic. This is so important when you have the conversations with the people in your life.

Coping With Grief During the Holidays
Holidays can amplify grief for us, even years after we have lost someone.  Whether the loss is recent or years old we can feel the piece of our holiday love that is missing. Traditions may feel different, memories may resurface, and the contrast between “how it used to be” and “how it is now” can be painful.

Try these:
• Acknowledge your grief instead of pushing it down. Talk about the person that is missing, share memories, talk about the recipes, honor the person and your grief.
• Create a small ritual to honor the person you’re missing  a candle, a photo, a favorite recipe, a plate at the table. All these things can bring that person into your day and celebrate the role they played in bringing love to and through your family.
• Let yourself feel a mix of emotions. Grief and joy can coexist. The both/and always feels so complicated but it is truly one of the simplest parts of being human. You can grieve deeply and still allow yourself to feel joy. You need to do this without guilt or shame because the person you lost would want you to continue your joy in their memory.
• Protect your energy. You don’t have to attend every event or meet every expectation. Sometimes, especially when the grief is new and raw, we need to take breaks from some traditions, get togethers, and activities. That is okay. Listen to yourself and your needs. It is okay if things feel different and to do things differently. Check in with yourself and remember next year might be different.
• Reach out for support if the weight feels especially heavy. When things get too hard, find help and support. Reach out to family members, tell your friends about your struggles, or even find a therapist who can help too. You aren’t alone and everyone will know how hard and heavy the grief is.

Staying Sober and Coping with Alcohol-Use Triggers
Holiday gatherings often revolve around alcohol, making this season particularly challenging if you’re sober or in recovery. Having a strong plan in place is one of the best ways to set yourself up for success.

Try these:
• Plan ahead. Decide which events you’ll attend and which you may skip for your wellbeing. Doing what you have done in the past might feel like muscle memory that could lead to using. Making sure you are aware of this and have a plan in place if you do attend the event and you are triggered.
• Have an exit strategy or a supportive person you can text or bring with you. This is so important. Sometimes our family might not feel like a safe place to talk about these things so making sure you have a person set up that you can call when you need support.
• Bring your own non-alcoholic drink so you always have something in your hand without pressure. As you can see, one of the most important things is being prepared. Have your plan in place for what you are going to drink INSTEAD of alcohol. Make a fun mocktail or bring something to drink instead.
• Practice refusal language that feels comfortable, such as “No thanks, I’m good with this.” Knowing what you want to say ahead of time will help when you feel put on the spot. Try to think about who might say something to you because you are not drinking, and create space from that person.
• Notice early warning signs such as stress, emotional overload, loneliness, and take intentional breaks. No one that care about you will judge you from taking space, taking care of you, or speaking your truth when the feelings start to get overwhelming. Spend some time reflecting on what you feel when the overwhelm starts and then notice when it does so you can take the necessary breaks.
• Celebrate your sobriety. Staying true to yourself during a triggering season is an act of strength and you have done an amazing thing by maintaining your sobriety. Celebrate that, celebrate you, and find the people who will celebrate with you!

Finding Moments of Small Joy (Even in the Chaos)
Joy doesn’t always look like big celebrations. Sometimes it’s small, quiet, and deeply grounding. I always make sure I find the joy in the small moments during the holiday season and try to take on the tasks I have with mindfulness and intention. I love wrapping presents and giving my own artistic touch to my packages. To me, this is a small joy in the season.

Try these:
• Notice sensory joys: warm lights, a cozy blanket, the smell of cookies, crisp air on your skin, listening to holiday music. All of these are small joys that bring cozy nostalgia to us and can bring deep joy.
• Create micro-rituals: a morning cup of tea in front of your Christmas Tree, a short walk in the snow, a few minutes of journaling about holidays past and present. All of these things can ground you and connect you to the joys of the holiday season.
• Let joy be tiny and real. Not performative. Not Instagram-ready. Just yours. You do not need to post a photo of everything you do to prove to your social media world how much happiness and love you have in your life. The people you are it with are the most important.
 
Final Thoughts
If the holidays feel heavier than they look on the outside, you’re not alone. There is no “right” way to feel during this season only your way and I think you would be surprised at how many more people who feel like they are just trying to survive during the holidays and not actually thrive.
 
Remember:
You’re allowed to grieve.
You’re allowed to rest.
You’re allowed to protect your mental health.
You’re allowed to find small moments of joy and not make every moment huge.
You’re allowed to say no, set limits, and choose what supports your wellbeing.
And most importantly: you’re allowed to care for yourself with the same tenderness you offer others. If you need support navigating holiday stress, grief, sobriety, or complex relationships, therapy can provide a grounding, compassionate space. Reach out if you’d like to connect.

It’s been one week since I said goodbye to my dog, Bronx after 14 years together. And, I still find myself listening for the sound of her tiny paws on the floor, or the rhythmic thump of her tail against the crate when she heard me stirring in the morning. Grief has a way of echoing through the quiet spaces of your life, filling the gaps where love once lived in motion.


Our hearts are completely shattered, and on each piece is a memory, a smile, a laugh, a lick, a dance, a paw, a side eye, a walk, a hike, a snuggle. To know Bronx was to love her. She was 10 pounds of joy, stubbornness, and spirit. She was a little dog with a presence so big she truly changed the emotional temperature of every room she entered. When the world shut down and therapy went virtual, I joked how she even took on the role of therapy dog with such ease because I saw the joy she brought to my clients’ faces even from afar.


As a therapist, I often help clients navigate grief. But pet loss has a way of stripping away all professional distance. It’s primal. It’s love in its purest form. Without words, without roles, without conditions. And losing that love leaves an ache that doesn’t have tidy language or rituals for processing.


Over this past week, I’ve been sitting with my grief, not just as Bronx’s person, but as a human being learning from the depth of her life and death. Here are some of the lessons my sweet girl taught me these past 14 years, lessons about love, resilience, and what it really means to be present.


1. Choose connection, even when it’s scary.
From the moment I first picked Bronx up, she grabbed onto my arm and didn’t let go. Literally. She chose me. That moment taught me something about attachment, how real love begins with trust and a leap of faith. Bronx didn’t know me, but she held on anyway. In grief, I think of that often: how she taught me that vulnerability and connection are worth the risk.


2. Find joy in the small things.
Bronx loved the simple pleasures: peanut butter, cheese, playing with ice, zoomies in the hallway, hiding her treats on top of chairs, and chasing squeaky toys under blankets. She was a master at presence. She didn’t wait for big events or perfect moments; she lived joyfully in the ordinary ones. Grief reminds me of how sacred those ordinary moments are  and how much healing lives in slowing down enough to notice them.


3. Lead with curiosity and courage.
Bronx was a 10 lb Mi-Ki, but you couldn’t tell her that, her spirit was the size of the biggest St. Bernard that ever roamed the earth. She climbed Bear Mountain. She put big dogs in their place. She stared out at the yard like it was a world she would one day conquer. She overcame some big health scares. Bronx faced challenges with a stubborn mix of fear and boldness, a reminder that courage doesn’t always look graceful. Sometimes, it’s just showing up, shaking a little, and doing it anyway.


4. Don’t forget to be silly.
Bronx had an incredible gift for silliness. She’d make monkey noises when she was excited, dance when she wanted something, play hide and seek when we came home from a night out, and roll on the floor dramatically after a bath. Her playfulness filled our home with laughter, even on hard days. She taught me that being silly is not the opposite of being serious, it’s part of being whole. In a world that often feels heavy, silliness is medicine. It’s joy refusing to be dimmed. And sometimes, the most healing thing we can do is let ourselves play.


5. Be patient when you don’t speak the same language.
Loving Bronx taught me the importance of patience, especially when you don’t speak the same language. Whether it was during the puppy stage when we were just getting to know each other and the rhythms of one another or later in life when things started to get hard, we had to be patient with each other, especially when communication is hard.


While Bronx was smart and she knew some commands well, as she grew older she lost her hearing completely and communication with her got really hard. We communicated through looks, gestures, tone, and a language built over time through trust and attention that only we could understand. There were moments of misunderstanding: her wanting something I couldn’t quite figure out, or me needing her to listen when she had her own ideas. But love helped us bridge that gap.


She reminded me that relationships, whether with people or pets, aren’t built on perfect understanding, but on the willingness to keep trying. When connection matters, you stay curious. You listen differently. You slow down. And sometimes love sounds less like words and more like presence, consistency, and care.


6. Love your people fiercely.
Bronx loved us, her people, with her whole being. She’d greet us with her signature wiggle butt, climb on me during yoga, and insist on her nightly “witching hour” treats that got us off the couch. She loved my husband’s silly noises, adored kids, and made even strangers on the street light up just by walking down the street. When you walked in our door and sat on our couch, you better be ready to have a little dog lay across your lap just so you could rub her belly. She knew when her humans needed her too. She sat a bit closer, laid her head upon us, and stared into our eyes just so we knew she was there and that her love was medicine. Her love was her legacy. She reminded me that relationships, whether human or with pups, are the heartbeat of our lives.


7. Grief is love’s echo.
As I sit in the quiet now, I understand something that I tell my clients often and now feel in my bones as I have in the past when I have lost family and friends: grief isn’t a sign of weakness - it’s evidence of deep love. It’s what remains when love no longer has a body to touch. And, grief for our pets is deep and raw, just like the love we have for them too.  Bronx’s absence hurts so deeply because her presence filled so much space. Her body was tiny, but her spirit was and is MIGHTY. That’s the paradox of love, it expands us, even in loss.


8. Healing isn’t moving on; it’s moving forward with love.
The day Bronx crossed the rainbow bridge, she had visits and FaceTimes from her favorite humans, a McDonald’s burger, and even got to try chocolate, passing with Nutella on her lips, (which feels exactly right for the sweetest girl that ever existed).


Her last day was a reflection of her life: surrounded by love, laughter, and treats. That’s how I want to carry her forward, not as something I’ve “let go” of, but as something I carry in every act of compassion, in every slow morning, in every client who shares their own story of loss. Something I have reflected on a lot lately is how the relationship between client and therapist has shifted and that I no longer see myself as a blank slate with my clients, and I try to show up more as an authentic human. This may mean I share more of myself and about myself in my sessions because I think it being a human in sessions is what my clients need. Losing Bronx, and sharing about Bronx, will definitely be part of my story that shows up when it is what my clients need.
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Losing Bronx has reminded me both personally and professionally that grief deserves gentleness. It’s not something to “get over.” It’s something we live alongside, learning to hold love and loss at the same time. It is something that will come and go, ebb and flow. I’ll miss her every single day. But I also know that everything she taught me about connection, joy, courage, and presence will continue to shape the way I love, the way I live, and the way I heal. She will always walk beside me in spirit, wagging her tail, getting excited for every new experience we will face.


She was special. She was one of a kind. And she will always be my sweet girl.
If you’re grieving a pet, please know: your grief is valid. It’s real. The bond you shared is sacred and the pain you feel now is proof of a love that mattered deeply. Be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time but love never leaves. And you are not alone at all.

We’ve all been there. With the best intentions, we head to bed ready for a full eight hours of sleep. We go through our routine, crawl into bed, set the alarm (on our phones, of course), and notice a notification. We click on it “just for a second.” Then suddenly, 20, 30, even 40 minutes later, we’re still scrolling. The time slipped away and instead of feeling calm, we’re now more anxious. Our feed was filled with war updates, political arguments, misinformation, posts that spark comparison, or reminders that we weren’t included in a friend’s plans. By the time we put the phone down, our minds are buzzing with stress. Sleep will come, but not easily.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. That late-night spiral has a name: doomscrolling. And while it often feels impossible, or worse even wrong, to look away, the toll it takes on our mental and physical health is very real.
But what if there’s another way to stay connected without getting pulled under? That’s where hope questing comes in.

What is Doomscrolling?
Doomscrolling is the compulsive habit of consuming an endless stream of distressing or negative content online. The name says it all—it feels heavy, frightening, and unrelenting.

To be fair, it’s not all bad. Doomscrolling does keep us informed about global and local issues we may not otherwise know about. Much of what we’ve learned about injustices, humanitarian crises, or social movements have come through social media. Doomscrolling can also make us feel less alone by connecting us with others who share our fears, perspectives, or experiences.

But the negatives often outweigh the benefits. Doomscrolling heightens anxiety, stress, anger, and hopelessness. It floods the nervous system with “threat signals,” leaving us stuck in dysregulation. And because social media algorithms are designed to keep us hooked, the cycle becomes self-perpetuating: we scroll to feel informed and in control, yet the more we consume, the more powerless and overwhelmed we feel.

So, what is Hope Questing?
Hope questing is the intentional act of seeking out uplifting, inspiring, or solution-focused stories, media, and resources. This doesn’t mean pretending the hard stuff isn’t happening or putting on rose-colored glasses. Instead, it’s about choosing to balance our perspective: recognizing that while there are crises, injustices, and suffering, there are also acts of kindness, progress, innovation, and resilience happening every single day and opportunities for you to be a part of them.

Of course, there are risks if hope questing is taken too far. We might run the risk of avoidance – putting our head in the sand and pretending that the bad things aren’t happening around us. We also run the risk of toxic positivity which is truly one of this therapist’s biggest pet peeves in our current culture. Toxic positivity is the belief that people should always maintain a positive mindset no matter how difficult, painful, or complicated their circumstances are, or the circumstances of the world may be. It’s the “just look on the bright side,” “good vibes only,” “Pollyanna,” or “everything happens for a reason” approach that dismisses or minimizes real feelings of sadness, anger, grief, or fear. At its core, toxic positivity suggests that there’s no space for “negative” emotions, and that if you just think positively enough, everything will be fine. While it’s important to find the path toward positivity, toxic positivity leaves no room for the complexity of human experience.

Healthy hope questing is about balance: allowing space for the hard truths and giving ourselves permission to refill our cup with reminders of joy, progress, and possibility. When we find hope, our optimism increases which in turn boosts our confidence and motivation to take action toward creating change.  It also helps us to regulate our nervous systems by reminding us of joy, progress, and possibility. While doomscrolling activates the nervous system, hope questing helps regulate it, reminding us that even in dark times, there are glimmers of light and pathways forward – it can inspire action rather than paralysis.

Takeaways And What To Do
The internet will always offer us an endless feed of stories. What we choose to consume matters for our mental health, our relationships, and our sense of self agency. Here are some tips for how to help balance knowledge and curate the accounts you follow.

· Pay attention to your body while you are scrolling – Do you feel tense? Calm? Inspired? Heavy? Happy? Your body tells you whether a feed is nourishing or draining.

· Find accounts that you trust for information. Follow accounts that provide accurate, thoughtful information about our country and the world.

· Make sure you follow accounts that bring you something fun. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good dog account or one with beautiful photos of places near and far. You can find the accounts that spark joy for you.

· Find accounts that uplift you. Identify what will inspire, encourage, expand your perspectives, or excite you. Having your feed filled with things that educate, create diversity, and share creativity might balance out the overwhelming feeling of the information you are taking in.

· Balance reality with hope. Stay informed, but balance news and critical issues with accounts that highlight solutions, resilience, or everyday positivity.

· Consciously think about each account that shows up in your feed. Does it bring you joy? Does it bring you accurate information? Do you feel good when you see their posts? Is it an account of someone you love and shows you the same love back? If the answer is no, think about unfollowing, muting, or snoozing the account.

· Consider resetting your algorithms. Each platform gives an option for doing so and sometimes this is just what you do to shift the information you are taking in.

· Limit comparison triggers. It happens to all of us, we follow the influencer with the style we want to emulate, the chef who always puts healthy meals on the table, the parent that has just the right tips to make your child do what you want, or the personal trainer who promises you will look just like them in 6 weeks. We follow these accounts looking for inspiration but instead we find ourselves in the comparison game that often leads to guilt or shame. If certain content or accounts makes you feel “less than,” consider unfollowing or muting.

· Pay attention to the videos and photos you watch, like, and share. That is how your feed is defined by the apps themselves. I know I have gone down some WILD rabbit holes and then suddenly see these things popping up more. Choose to not engage with that content and they will eventually fall away.

· Set time limits. Even the most uplifting feed can overwhelm. Use app timers or boundaries to step away and ground yourself offline.
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· Check in regularly. Your needs change—what inspired you last year might drain you now. Audit your feed every few months.

Final Thoughts
So, the next time you notice yourself doomscrolling, pause. Ask: What would hope questing look like right now? You might be surprised at how much lighter, steadier, and more capable you feel when you give yourself permission to seek out hope alongside the hard truths and curate your feeds to meet your needs. Remember: You are the curator of your digital environment. Choose content that nourishes your mental health, not just fills your time.

These are trying times my friends. If you are paying attention to the news, you are constantly being faced with a stressful world and national events and crises that are creating anxiety, worry, stress, sadness, hopelessness, and so much more. If you are someone who feels empathy, the weight of it all can feel so overwhelming at times. That weight can also create a lot of complicated feelings toward people who do not seem to be impacted by how the world is impacting the lives of others and instead are remaining behind the blinders of their privilege. It can be frustrating, even infuriating, to see someone vote for a candidate or policy that seems to directly contradict their own stated values, needs, or lived experiences. Sadly, these contradictions create more divisiveness on a macro level in our country, and on deeper and personal levels in some of our most important and closest relationships. For many of us, this also creates a deep sense of confusion: How can they believe one thing, but act in a way that appears to oppose it? Or even more difficult for us to understand: How can this person who loves me, vote against my rights and needs?

The answer often lies in a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance.
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What is Cognitive Dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort we feel when our actions don’t align with our beliefs or when we hold two contradictory beliefs at once. An example of this is: I support my gay son in his life, relationships, and in the ability to get married someday, but I am going to vote for this person who states that they will end same-sex marriage regardless because of various other reasons. Or: My spouse is an immigrant and has not become a US citizen yet, but I don’t think she will get deported even if I vote for the person who says that they will deport immigrants because I don’t think it will happen to her. For those of us on the outside we are screaming “MAKE IT MAKE SENSE”. But, for those who are doing this, in order to reduce that discomfort, their brain often tries to “close the gap” by:
• Reframing the facts (“This policy isn’t really that harmful.”)
• Downplaying the contradiction (“No candidate is perfect; this one is the lesser evil.”)
• Focusing on other values (“I care about X issue more than Y, even if Y affects me personally.”)
In politics, this can mean that someone votes based on one or two highly prioritized beliefs even if that choice conflicts with other parts of their identity or interests. They might say, This person might take away the rights of someone I love, but they are promising something else which is more important to me.
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Why This Can Be So Hard to Watch
When we see someone’s vote as harmful to them or to a group we care about, our nervous system often interprets it as a threat, especially when and if it feels personal. That can spark anger, sadness, or even a sense of betrayal. If the person is someone we know and care about, the dissonance between our perception of them and their actions can create dissonance for us, too. It is so difficult for us to resolve our love for our family members and the choices they might make that might impact our rights in the future. This is why we feel anxiety when we are with these people. We struggle with wanting to set boundaries with the people who are voting to take our rights away with the love and connection we have. How can I love this person that is taking action in a way that is not showing me love back? Can I still depend on this person in my life?

Coping With the Anger and Frustration

1. Name the phenomenon.
Remind yourself: “This is cognitive dissonance at play.” Naming it can help you shift from pure emotional reaction to observation.

2. Anchor in your values.
Ask yourself: “How do I want to show up in this conversation—or in this relationship?” This can help you respond in a way that’s congruent with your own integrity. You get to choose your values, and it is important to stay true to yourself, even when it might feel overwhelming or even scary.

3. Limit the engagement when necessary.
If certain discussions are only fueling resentment, it’s okay to set boundaries or disengage from political talk with that person. You might need to set different boundaries or make choices around conversations that you are willing to have with them. You may need to state how you no longer feel safe with certain things around this person and allow them to have to decide what that means for them. This is where you take your control back.

4. Channel the energy.
Redirect anger into meaningful action: advocacy, volunteering, educating, or creating supportive spaces for those affected by harmful policies. So many of my clients, supervisees, and colleagues are constantly faced with feeling like the powerlessness in all of this is one of the worst aspects of the fear and of being an ally. Finding the places where you can be part of change instead of being stuck in the paralyzing emotions of anger and fear can make a huge difference in your ability to cope.

5. Practice perspective-taking without excusing harm.
Understanding why someone acts against their own stated beliefs doesn’t mean you condone it—it simply means you’re not letting anger fully dictate your mental state. Remember, your anger is not going to impact their perspective. Unfortunately, I think one of the saddest and most difficult lessons we have all had to learn over this past decade is how we do not have the ability to change people’s minds if they are not open to different perspectives. We must accept this fact, accept their perspectives, and then instead decide what we will choose to do in response.

The Bigger Picture
Cognitive dissonance isn’t limited to “other people.” We all experience it at times. Recognizing it in ourselves and others can help us move toward more honest self-reflection and, hopefully, more congruent actions in the future. As therapists, friends, family members, or community members, our role is not always to change someone’s mind in the moment, but to protect our own mental well-being while staying aligned with the values we hold dear. We do this through reflection, boundaries, and meaningful action.
 

Every year on July 4th, we’re invited to celebrate “freedom” — fireworks, flags, and fanfare. But for many people this year, freedom feels complicated. Distant. Maybe even hollow. It feels so strange to do the normal things like celebrating the birth of our country when nothing that is happening actually feels or is normal. It’s a true example of cognitive dissonance that is hard to resolve.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, sad, anxious, or grieving right now, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken. Many people are struggling with heavy and complicated emotions this Independence Day. As a therapist, I see it in session after session all day long: people carrying the weight of injustice, fear, helplessness, and deep sadness about the direction of our country and the world.

Whether it’s fear about political instability, grief over rights being rolled back, anger about systemic oppression, helplessness about not knowing what to do, or exhaustion from trying to keep going when so much feels uncertain — your emotional response makes sense. It’s normal to feel not-okay when what’s happening around us isn’t normal and most definitely is not okay. What you feel is expected, what is impacting how you feel is as unexpected as it comes.
This year especially, many people are navigating a strange emotional contradiction — gathering with family and friends for picnics, fireworks, and barbecues, while holding deep sadness, anger, or fear about the real loss of freedoms happening right now. It can feel disorienting to smile and make small talk while quietly grieving everything that’s at stake. I cannot tell how you how often I think to myself, “How can I be happy, be doing fun things, when it feels like everything that our country stands for is being systematically dismantled and so many people around me are losing their rights, their food, their health insurance. I need to do more.”

And it can feel even more painful — even surreal — to sit across from someone at the picnic table who voted for policies or leaders that actively contributed to these losses. To clink a glass or pass a burger to someone who celebrates “freedom” while supporting the erosion of reproductive rights, LGBTQ+ protections, or racial justice. This emotional dissonance is real — and it’s hard and can lead to deeper feelings of grief and negative feelings toward self. How wild and crazy-making it feels to love someone and enjoy their company while recognizing their role in where we are today.

You’re not imagining it: it is a complicated thing to celebrate freedom in a country where so many people’s rights are being stripped away.

So here’s a gentle reminder:
You don’t have to feel patriotic to be present. You don’t have to feel celebratory to honor what this day brings up for you. You can grieve and still care deeply. You can be tired and still be brave.

This Independence Day, give yourself permission to reflect rather than rejoice if that’s what feels true. Consider:
• What does “freedom” mean to me right now?
• Where do I feel constricted, unseen, or unsafe?
• What do I need to reclaim a sense of agency or peace?
• Who or what helps me stay grounded when the world feels unsteady?
• How can I feel empowered in my feelings, instead of overwhelmed by them?
• How can I take action in a way that feels authentic to me?

There’s strength and power in naming your truth — even when it’s uncomfortable. Emotional honesty is not weakness; it’s a form of resistance and a step toward healing when you can be honest about what you are feeling. Your feelings are real, and being honest with them should bring lightness to you, once you grieve how they may create a need for real change in your life and relationships.

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Therapy can be a place to unpack these emotions, reconnect with your values, and create space for both grief and growth. And if you’re not in therapy, you can still care for yourself by slowing down, setting boundaries, or simply making room for your own quiet reflection amid the noise. Finding others who hold your views and can validate your feelings can also be immeasurably helpful in not feeling alone and in creating a plan to fight for change.

Wishing you moments of clarity, compassion, and courage this holiday — however you choose to spend it.

When I first began my journey as a therapist, I never imagined just how profoundly politics would impact the mental health of my clients. Back in 2006, when I started my MFT program, I couldn’t have fathomed the extent to which our country’s political decisions would threaten the stability, safety, and security of not only my clients, but also many people in my life. And yet—here we are. As clinicians, we must continue to address these realities and advocate for the safety and well-being of all people, especially those who need our voices the most.

We’re living in a time in our country where political divisions are more than ideological—they often feel personal. The stakes feel high, especially when the views of people we love clash with our values, our identities, or even – and most importantly – our sense of safety. Never in my lifetime has political passion been so strong or the chasm between the different sides felt so deep. I often state that people have chosen their side of the political coin as staunchly as they choose a sports team to cheer for and because of their undying allegiance, they are unwilling to see how their side may be hurting people around them – and most importantly people they love – in deep and horrific ways.
Whether it’s a parent who dismisses your rights or perspectives, a partner whose silence feels like complicity and/or a violation of your trust, or a friendship that’s starting to feel like walking on eggshells, navigating relationships in this climate can be deeply disorienting. We begin questioning our understanding of the people we care about, and that say that they care about us, when they support a politician who is vowing to take our rights, or even the rights of others, away. It is a crazy-making practice in cognitive dissonance and rocks our sense of reality, safety, security, and stability.

Family of Origin: When Home Isn’t Emotionally Safe
Many of us were raised in families where values were shaped long before we had the language to question them. Revisiting those relationships—especially in times of social upheaval—can bring up grief, anger, and confusion. What a complicated emotional experience it is when you realize that your values and morals no longer match those of the people that you were raised and shaped by. It can even be more complicated when you were taught to believe, act, or treat people one way by your parents as a child, and then now they are acting or reacting in a different way than how they taught you to be. How complicated it feels to resolve that juxtaposition of “do as I say, not as I do” to be a good, caring, and respectable human. This especially holds true for many people who were raised to be Christians and then are seeing their parents act so un-Christian-like. The disparity is jarring, overwhelming, confusing, and extremely distressing. Resolving the differences between the people you thought that you knew and loved, with how their choices reflect their identify can be an overwhelming and impossible task.
If a parent or sibling expresses political views that deny your humanity or safety, that is not a small thing. It’s valid to feel hurt, conflicted, and uncertain about how to stay in connection with them. Boundaries here might mean changing the subject, limiting contact, or even creating distance to preserve your mental health. You need to protect yourself and your mental health and this may mean that the lines of your boundaries might change or become more defined. In general, many people have begun questioning the long-held truth that if someone is family, a relationship must be maintained. I want to remind everyone that we get to choose who we keep in our lives. Conversations about boundaries can and should happen and you can, with your family members, try to agree to disagree and maintain rules about whether to discuss politics around one another. You get to choose if that relationship is important enough to you to maintain or if the difference between your values is too drastically different that you no longer feel safe and too much respect has been lost.
Remember: You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to you—especially if that access comes at the cost of your emotional or physical safety or wellbeing.

 Friendships: When Politics Enter the Group Chat
We often think of friends as chosen family. But when a friend expresses views that feel dismissive, uninformed, or dangerous, it can shake the foundation of the relationship and connection. Ask yourself: Is this person open to dialogue? Are they willing to reflect, or only to debate? Can I feel emotionally safe being myself in this relationship? Are our differing political views too different to be able to maintain connection and respect? Are their perspectives a threat to me, my safety, my well-being, and my life? If the answer is no, it may be time to have a candid conversation—or, in some cases, to reconsider the level of closeness you maintain. As I said before, friendships are chosen, and you can choose to maintain the relationship, increase boundaries, take a break, or sometimes let them go.

Romantic Relationships: What Happens When Values Clash
Politics might not seem like a romantic issue—until it is. Sharing a life with someone whose values no longer align with yours (or never did) can feel like being emotionally split in two. If political differences feel rooted in different worldviews rather than harmful ideologies, open communication may help. But if the difference feels like a threat to your rights, identity, or safety, it’s okay to name that as a relationship dealbreaker. You have the option to agree to disagree, but in the conversations about agreeing to disagree, you should have conversations about what those differences might mean in terms of what you might teach your children (current or future) about the world, having compassion for people (especially those that are different from them), and about creating safe spaces for everyone. Love is not enough without safety. And your emotional safety matters so much.

Grief: Mourning What Was—or What Never Was
One of the most tender and painful parts of navigating relationships in a divided world is the grief that surfaces—sometimes quietly, sometimes all at once. You might be grieving:

• The version of a parent you thought you knew
• The friendship that now feels irreparably distant
• The hope that a partner would understand you more deeply and consider your safety in this world
  
• The fantasy that love alone could bridge every divide

Grief isn’t always about death. It’s also about disconnection, disappointment, and disillusionment. It’s the ache of realizing that someone you care about holds beliefs that invalidate your experience—or worse, actively endanger your rights or identity. The grief you might be experiencing in this national divide that is reflecting in your interpersonal relationships is complex because it doesn’t have clean edges. There may still be love. There may still be shared memories, or birthdays, or text threads. But the emotional safety you once felt might be gone—or maybe, heartbreakingly, you realize it was never really there. Let yourself grieve. There is no shame in mourning the loss of a version of a relationship or even a relationship in general, even if that person is still physically present in your life. Grief is not weakness—it’s a sign of how deeply you love, how deeply you feel, and how much it, and that person, matters to you.

Coping Tools for the Chaos
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, even helpless, in today’s climate. But you’re not powerless. Here are a few reminders to anchor you:

• Take control where you can. Your vote. Your boundaries. Your voice.
• Let go where you must. You can’t change people who don’t want to change and letting go of someone who hurts you, or whose choices hurt you, is ok and something necessary.
• Pause before engaging. Ask: Will this conversation move us forward—or drain me?
• Make space to feel. Anger, sadness, fear, and grief are valid responses.
• Choose your people. Community is a lifeline. Surround yourself with those who see you, affirm you, and help you feel less alone. Also, find the people who will find for your rights, or will join you in fighting for the rights of those whose voice is threatened to be silenced.

Feeling out of control is not normal, but completely expected
Feeling out of control right now? You’re not alone (I am right there with you!). It’s not normal, but it is expected and understandable—because so much in our country does feel out of control. The tension we carry in our bodies, the relationships that feel strained, the constant overwhelm—that’s not just you being “too sensitive.” That’s you being human in a world that’s pushing your nervous system past its limit. That’s you caring so deeply about your safety and having compassion, concerns, and fear for others too. NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL. But your feelings are. Take the space you need. Make choices that protect your peace. And remind yourself: you’re allowed to set boundaries, even with people you love.
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If you’re struggling to navigate these relationships or the emotions they stir up, therapy can help. You don’t have to untangle it all alone. And, I have said it before, and I will say it again. You are also allowed to ask any therapist, current or future, what their political views are. You deserve a safe space to vocalize your fears, grief, sadness, and anger about our current world with someone who will validate your experiences authentically.

Spring is not just a time for growth and green, it is also a time where many of us focus on the physical spaces around us. As the days get longer and flowers begin to bloom, many of us start to tidy up our homes—decluttering closets, sweeping out corners, and letting fresh air in. We let go of the hibernation of winter, to make room for the fresh newness of spring. But how often do we do the same for our minds? We all collect mental clutter over time—worries that pile up, old thought patterns that no longer help us, and emotional dust we don’t even realize we’re carrying because of how deep many of these thought patterns run and the worries cut. So, just like these physical spaces that we are surrounded by, our minds need periodic clearing, reflection, and renewal too. Mental spring cleaning is the practice of checking in with our emotional landscapes, reassessing what’s working, and gently letting go of the thoughts, habits, and stories that no longer serve us.
This spring let’s try giving our minds a little reset too. Here are some ideas for how you can begin your own version of mental spring cleaning—gently, mindfully, and with self-compassion (which is SO important).

1. Take Inventory of Your Mental Space
Start by simply observing your inner world.
·      What thoughts have been on repeat lately? Are these thoughts founded on worry, anxiety, and stress?
·      What emotional patterns feel heavy, stuck, or draining and impact your ability to make space for hopefulness, contentment, and joy? Are these thoughts constantly looping in your head?
·      Are there worries, comparisons, or inner criticisms that have taken root and impact you regularly?
·      Is there something you’ve been avoiding, stuffing down, or holding onto?
You won’t be able to fix everything right now but just the act of noticing these thoughts and the space they occupy is a powerful first step. A way to start the noticing is to set a timer for 5 minutes and journal, bullet point, or even voice-record your thoughts. Let whatever’s been swirling inside come out and recognize patterns that might be emerging. Sometimes just this act of recognizing, surfacing, and naming these thoughts can help us to let go of them and in turn make us feel lighter – a major goal of mental spring cleaning!

2. Identify What’s No Longer Serving You
Sometimes we carry around thoughts, beliefs, or habits that used to help us—but now just hold us back. Sometimes these thoughts, beliefs, and habits are learned from our parents or the systems around us. Sometimes they applied to who or what we were in the past but no longer serve our new, evolved selves now. What we usually find is that not all thoughts or habits need to stay. Some were survival strategies that helped you in the past—but are now outdated. So, because of that, spring is a great time to ask yourself:
·      Is this thought helping me feel supported or stuck?
·      Am I putting pressure on myself in ways that aren’t fair?
·      Is there something I can begin to release?
·      Are these thoughts my own thoughts, or are they rooted in what other people think or believe?
·      Are there beliefs I’m holding that keep me small and prevent me from growing or succeeding?
·      Am I clinging to roles, expectations, or “shoulds” out of obligation?
·      Is my internal dialogue kind or critical?
Let’s utilize the above reflections and write down all the things you’re ready to stop carrying—like self-criticism, a “should,” or someone else’s expectation—and shred them, tear them up, toss them, delete them, or throw them in the recycling. Symbolic rituals and actions can help solidify the emotional act of letting-go. Then, remind yourself that it’s okay to grow in new directions without guilt or shame.

3. Reclaim What Nourishes You
Spring is also about planting new seeds. What this means for you is that you can begin to choose what to intentionally grow. Once you’ve cleared space, you now have room to let in the things that do bring you joy, happiness, fulfillment, increased self-worth, and all the things that bring you to a place of peace. Let’s start by asking yourself what you’d like to bring in, or plant:
·      What helps me feel calm or connected?
·      What brings me peace?
·      What’s something small that brings me joy?
·      Is there a part of myself I’ve been missing?
Next, set an intention or short affirmation for the season to be your guide.  While you are planning your intention, some considerations might be:
·      What boundaries need strengthening?
·      What brings me joy, and how can I make room for more of it?
·      What does rest really look like for me right now?
You don’t need a full life overhaul. Even tiny shifts—like getting outside more often, saying no (BOUNDARIES) to something that drains you, or making time for creativity—can make a big difference. And you need to be able to do without guilt, or shame because you deserve these things.
A few examples are: “I’m making more space for peace,” or “This spring, I choose rest over hustle,” or “I welcome clarity, softness, and alignment.”

4. Refresh Your Routines
Now that we know our intentions, we need to reflect on the habits that will help us meet those intentions, or goals, we have set for ourselves. Our habits shape our mental health in sometimes quiet but always powerful ways. Use this season to reflect on and then shift your behaviors to better serve your needs and intentions. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about going through a refresh that will help you align your inner self and the self you show the world. Remember, mental spring cleaning can also mean setting gentle boundaries with your time and energy—saying yes to what helps, and no to what drains you.
Here are some habits to reflect on:
·      Explore your sleep hygiene
·      Reevaluate your digital habits (goodbye doomscrolling, hello boundaries)
·      Increase time and space for movement, stillness, and creativity through activities that fill you up and give energy to your inner self
·      Reconnect with therapy, supervision, or journaling
Spend some time identifying what habit you want to let go of, and what one you want to plant, and grow, to create a sense of peace and happiness for you.

5. Reconnect with the Present
Spring will always remind us of cycles. We see the world around us blooming, shedding, taking root, and regrowing. Your inner world is no different. We need to clean up and clear out the things that no longer serve us, and plant seeds for the things that will help us to grow. Slowing down helps calm the nervous system and bring your thoughts out of overdrive. Sometimes this starts with grounding and spring is a beautiful time to reconnect with your senses and the world around you.
Here are a few grounding practices you can try:
·      Taking a mindful walk outside
·      Deep breathing with your feet in the grass
·      Using your senses to notice light, air, sound, and smell
·      Gardening and paying attention to your senses through the experience – what do you smell, what do you feel?

You can even use the 5 senses grounding exercise while in nature to help with this process.
Step outside and notice:
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can feel
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste (even if it’s just a sip of water)

As Always, Be Kind to Yourself
As I said before, mental spring cleaning isn’t about being perfect or fixing everything. It’s about gently checking in with yourself, being present with yourself, choosing what to keep, and giving yourself permission to let go of what’s no longer helping. It’s about noticing, releasing, and renewing. By giving your mind and your energies the same care you give your home, you make space for something lighter, truer, and more aligned with what feels the best, and kindest, for you. Remember, you don’t have to carry it all, you are allowed to feel lighter, and you are allowed to begin again.
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So crack open a window, let in the breeze, and see what in your inner world is ready for fresh air.

Don’t forget - If you’re working on clearing mental clutter and want support along the way, therapy can be a safe space to sort through what’s yours, what’s not, and what you want to grow next. Reach out if you’d like to connect.

​Coping with Political Anxiety and Uncertainty About the Future
Political anxiety has become increasingly common in our country and as a topic in my therapy office. In today’s political climate, many of us are experiencing heightened stress, anxiety, and intense fear about the future. It can feel overwhelming to witness policies and events that threaten rights, personal values, and the well-being of marginalized communities. Especially for people who have empathy, the concern for how new policies are being implemented and how they are going to affect not only us personally, but also other people throughout our country, can be devastating. If you find yourself struggling with political anxiety, you are absolutely not alone. Here are some strategies to help you navigate these challenging times while protecting your mental health.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s normal to feel a range of emotions, from anger and frustration to sadness and fear. Suppressing these emotions can make stress worse over time. The key word here is “normal”. I have said to many people, both in my personal life and professionally, that it would be more alarming to not feel triggered with what is happening in our country right now than to feel the anxiety we are all experiencing. There is no way to challenge irrational thoughts in situations like this.  Instead, give yourself permission to acknowledge and process your feelings in a healthy way—whether that’s through journaling, talking with a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in mindfulness practices.
2. Set Boundaries with News Consumption
Staying informed is important, but constant exposure to distressing news can fuel anxiety. Consider setting limits on how often you check the news or social media. Choose reliable sources and schedule specific times to catch up, rather than doomscrolling throughout the day. Giving yourself breaks from the flooding of political content can provide much-needed mental relief and then give you strength and energy to take action when you are ready.
3. Engage in Meaningful Action
A sense of helplessness can intensify anxiety. I have been trying to focus my attention on things I can control and things I can impact instead of focusing on how big and overwhelming everything feels. Taking action—even in small ways—can help you regain a sense of agency. Some ways to take action can include:

• Volunteering for causes you believe in
• Contacting your elected representatives
• Participating in peaceful activism
• Educating others on issues that matter to you
• Donating to organizations that support values that matter to you

Taking concrete steps allows you to channel your emotions into constructive efforts rather than feeling powerless and that powerlessness can feel debilitating and paralyzing which is what we are trying to avoid.
4. Prioritize Self-Care and Grounding Techniques
When stress feels overwhelming, self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity! Some helpful strategies include:

• Breathing exercises: Deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation can help regulate your nervous system.
• Physical movement: Exercise, yoga, or even a short walk outdoors can provide relief.
• Creative outlets: Art, music, and writing can be therapeutic ways to express emotions.
• Time in nature: Spending time outside can help you feel more grounded and connected to something larger than yourself.
• Time with positive supports: spend time with people who fill your cup back up.
• Disconnect: I said it before, and I’ll say it again – take a break from social media. It will always be there to go back to, but when your anxiety is escalated you need to step away.

If you have the resources, you can also look into things like massage, acupuncture, sauna, or anything else that can help to bring down your heart rate and re-regulate your nervous system.
5. Lean on Your Support System
You don’t have to face these feelings alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups that align with your values and experiences. Talking with like-minded people can provide reassurance and remind you that you are not alone in your concerns.
6. Consider Professional Support
If political anxiety is significantly impacting your daily life, therapy can be a valuable space to process emotions and develop coping strategies. A therapist can help you navigate feelings of fear, anger, or hopelessness in a way that supports your overall well-being. There is nothing wrong with asking a therapist if their political views align with yours when you are reaching out to set up an initial session, especially if political anxiety is part of what is bringing you to treatment.
7. Find Hope and Perspective
While the world can feel chaotic, history has shown that progress is possible. Change often takes time, and collective efforts have led to meaningful advancements over generations. Focusing on resilience, community, and the values you hold dear can help sustain hope during difficult times. Find the stories that make you feel hopeful, and send letters/emails of appreciation to legislators that vote in favor of your values.
Final Thoughts
Your feelings about political and social issues are valid, and it’s okay to be deeply affected by the world around you. However, your well-being matters, too and you are no good to the fight that you want to fight if you are too overwhelmed to figure out the path toward power for you. By taking steps to manage stress, set boundaries, and engage in meaningful action, you can find ways to stay informed and involved without sacrificing your mental health.
If you need additional support, therapy can provide a safe space to explore these concerns and build resilience. You are not alone in this, and your feelings, voice, and well-being matter!
 

Social media has revolutionized how we connect, learn, and share. It also offers access to information that cannot be accessed anywhere else, allows us to stay in touch with loved ones, and provides platforms for self-expression. As a therapist, I’ve also seen firsthand how it can impact mental health—sometimes for the better, but often unfortunately for the worse. Understanding the pros and cons of social media use and learning strategies to manage your usage can help you to create a healthier relationship with these platforms.

The Pros of Social Media

• Connection: Social media bridges geographic gaps, allowing people to maintain relationships across distances. I love that I have been able to maintain connections with people from all different seasons of my life including friends and extended family.
• Community Building: It helps to create connections over so many different topics. We have seen this with such phenomenon like BookTok which has played a huge role in the reading boom of recent years. It creates spaces for support and solidarity, especially for marginalized groups or those with niche interests.
• Access to Resources: Many users find valuable content on social media around topics like gardening, hobbies, mental health, educational tools, and exercise/fitness.
• Creativity and Inspiration: Social media is a hub for sharing art, ideas, and inspiration, encouraging personal growth and creativity and is a free space to share it with the world.

The Cons of Social Media

• Comparison and Low Self-Esteem: Constantly seeing curated highlights of others’ lives can lead to unhealthy comparisons and impact how we see ourselves. Even with the best intentions, some of the profiles and people we follow may be negatively impacting our self-worth.  For example, I have had many clients tell me that they follow fitness focused accounts as they thought they would be inspiring and help with motivate them to move more.  Instead, these profiles can actually make them feel worse by making them feel guilty for not exercising.
• Comparisons around Likes, Shares, and Comments: We all want to be seen.  It is a natural human desire because of our need and want for connection.  It’s very easy to compare yourself to others because the numbers don’t lie.  We see other people getting more likes and attention on their posts and we struggle with our own worth when we do not get the same.
• Social Relationship Impact: FOMO is real, and when we see our friends doing fun things in their posts, we can feel left out or jealous. This is especially present when we see our friends together without us. The negative self-talk associated with not being included can take a very heavy toll on our self-worth.
• Information Overload: The endless stream of content can cause anxiety and mental fatigue. Because of the nature of reels and posts, we can get caught in an overload trap with non-stop information.  We also know the way algorithms work and the more we watch something about a topic, the more that topic will show up.  So even if we know that watching videos about gardening or cute dogs will help us to feel better, we get caught in seeing less cup filling things more often in our quest to stay informed.
• Disrupted Boundaries: Notifications and constant accessibility blur the line between work, rest, and leisure. I especially see this in my sessions with couples when the topic of phone use comes up as a distraction from quality time.  This also can impact our sleep schedule, and getting work done.
• Social Pressure: Feeling obligated to comment on trending topics or share content can create stress, particularly when grappling with privilege or societal expectations. We can feel the pressure to share about a topic to help increase others’ awareness and to help that topic to get more attention but this can also impact us and create flooding which leads to anxiety.

Strategies to Reduce Time Spent on Social Media
1.    Change Notifications on Your Phone Notifications are designed to draw your attention. Turning off non-essential alerts can significantly reduce distractions. Use “Do Not Disturb” for certain times of day or customize notification settings to regain control over your attention.
2.    Move and Hide Apps Place social media apps in less accessible locations on your phone. For example, move them to the second page of your home screen or into folders. Simultaneously, make more productive or calming apps (like reading apps or meditation tools) more prominent. I know for me, I put my kindle app where I used to have my social media folder.  This has helped me to choose to read for 5-10 min when I need a mental break instead of scrolling.
3.    Set Time Limits Most smartphones have features that allow you to set daily usage limits for apps. These reminders encourage mindfulness about how much time you spend scrolling. When you hit your limit, honor it and step away.
4.    Curate Your Timeline Regularly audit your feed. Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate or overwhelmed or ones that don’t bring you happiness and joy. Follow creators and organizations that inspire, uplift, or align with your values. This helps transform your timeline into a positive space.
5.    Engage in Self-Exploration Reflect on how social media affects you personally. What aspects do you find positive? Which parts cause stress or negativity? Understanding your relationship with social media can guide your choices and boundaries.
6.    Reduce Information Overload Limit the number of accounts you follow, particularly news or opinion-heavy sources. Choose a few trusted outlets for essential updates and set aside specific times to consume this information rather than grazing throughout the day.
7.    Decrease Comparisons Remember that social media is a highlight reel, not a full picture of anyone’s life. Practice gratitude for your own journey and accomplishments. Focusing on your unique path helps diminish the urge to compare.
8.    Let Go of Guilt It’s okay to step back from social media, even during significant events. Recognize that your voice matters, but your mental health is just as important. You can contribute meaningfully in ways that feel authentic to you, without succumbing to guilt or performative sharing.

​Final Thoughts
Social media isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s a tool. How you use it determines its impact on your mental health. By setting boundaries, being intentional about what you consume, and exploring your personal needs, you can maintain a balanced and healthy relationship with these platforms.
Social media use is practically unavoidable in our current world, and in many ways, that’s ok. We just need to focus on how to use it in a healthy way. If you find social media continues to affect your mental health despite these strategies, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Together, we can work on building habits that prioritize your well-being in an increasingly digital world.
 

Instead of a New Year’s Resolution: Reflect, Refocus, Grow, and Thrive
The start of a new year often brings the pressure of resolutions—promises we make to ourselves to change, achieve, or improve. Unfortunately, even with the best intentions our resolutions often leave us in a cycle of negative self-talk when we don’t follow through *exactly* as we picture. So, what if we approached the new year differently? Instead of setting a resolution, take a moment to reflect on the year past and intentionally shape the year ahead. This gentle and introspective approach can set the tone for a more peaceful, fulfilling, and meaningful 2025!
What Do You Want to Take with You From 2024 Into 2025?
Begin by reflecting on the past year. What moments, habits, or experiences brought you joy, peace, or growth?

• Celebrate Your Wins: Maybe you developed a habit of journaling that helped you process your emotions, or you cultivated stronger relationships with loved ones. Maybe you set effective and healthy boundaries, started a new hobby that brought you peace and joy, or even went on the vacation you have been planning for years. These are achievements should be celebrated and then carried forward into the New Year.
• Acknowledge Strengths: Think about the qualities you’ve leaned on during challenging times, such as resilience, patience, or creativity. These strengths can serve as guiding lights in the new year and then built upon as you continue to grow and identify more strengths as well.

Carrying these wins, strengths, and points of positivity with you will help you to build on a foundation of gratitude and growth as you enter 2025.
What Do You Want to Leave Behind in 2024?
Equally important is deciding what no longer serves you. Reflect on habits, patterns, or mindsets that weighed you down in 2024 or even before and decide what you can leave behind.

• Identify What Holds You Back: Maybe it’s overcommitting to things that drain your energy, self-doubt that keeps you from trying new things, or a fear of failure that stifles progress. Maybe it’s even spending too much time on social media which can be full of triggers for anxiety and self-judgement. Reflecting on what holds you back, weighs you down, and takes away from your forward movement will help you to shed behaviors and habits that no longer serve you.
• Find Alternatives: Instead of leaving a void, think about what you can replace these with in 2025. For example:
  • Replace overcommitment with intentional boundaries.
  • Replace self-doubt with affirmations and small, achievable goals.
  • Replace fear of failure with curiosity and a willingness to learn.
  • Replace time on social media with a new hobby or activity that will fill your cup instead of drain it.

By consciously letting go and replacing negative patterns, you make room for positive growth and increased internal peace.
Choose a Word to Be Your Theme for 2025
Rather than a specific resolution this year, choosing a word to anchor your year can provide focus and inspiration. This word becomes your theme, your guiding principle, and a lens through which you view your decision and then hopefully take action. This word should reflect your own needs and wants and can act of a touch point for you throughout the year.

• Examples of Theme Words: There are so many possibilities and this is just a short list of a few options that some people might find helpful.
  • Growth: A commitment to personal and professional development.
  • Connection: Deepening relationships and fostering meaningful interactions.
  • Balance: Finding harmony between work, rest, and play.
  • Joy: Prioritizing happiness and seeking moments of delight.
  • Alignment: Making sure that your choices, actions, and behaviors align with one another to help you reach your goals.
  • Simplify: Taking time to reflect on the things and people that are important to you and letting go of things that no longer serve you.
  • Adventure: Taking chances on new activities and experiences.
  • Grounding: Taking time to reflect on things that bring you back to the present and orients you to what is around you in the moment.
  • Consistency: Sometimes we have the best intentions but we struggle with keeping them going, by focusing on consistency we can explore how to keep doing the things that make us feel good.

For me, the word of the year is Balance. Over the past year, I’ve struggled with finding my own equilibrium between taking care of my practice, myself, and taking care of others. This year, I’m committing to creating a harmony that nurtures both my own self-care and my relationships with those around me.
Take time to reflect on what you want your year to embody. Write this word down, display it where you can see it daily, and use it as a compass throughout the year to help guide you through the decisions you need to make and the choices that you face.
A New Year, Your Way
By shifting the focus from rigid resolutions to mindful reflection and intention-setting, you’re creating a personalized and compassionate approach to the new year. Take stock of your triumphs, release what no longer serves you, and set a theme that resonates with your aspirations.
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Here’s to 2025 being a year of purpose, growth, and fulfillment—on your terms.