We’ve all been there. With the best intentions, we head to bed ready for a full eight hours of sleep. We go through our routine, crawl into bed, set the alarm (on our phones, of course), and notice a notification. We click on it “just for a second.” Then suddenly, 20, 30, even 40 minutes later, we’re still scrolling. The time slipped away and instead of feeling calm, we’re now more anxious. Our feed was filled with war updates, political arguments, misinformation, posts that spark comparison, or reminders that we weren’t included in a friend’s plans. By the time we put the phone down, our minds are buzzing with stress. Sleep will come, but not easily.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. That late-night spiral has a name: doomscrolling. And while it often feels impossible, or worse even wrong, to look away, the toll it takes on our mental and physical health is very real.
But what if there’s another way to stay connected without getting pulled under? That’s where hope questing comes in.

What is Doomscrolling?
Doomscrolling is the compulsive habit of consuming an endless stream of distressing or negative content online. The name says it all—it feels heavy, frightening, and unrelenting.

To be fair, it’s not all bad. Doomscrolling does keep us informed about global and local issues we may not otherwise know about. Much of what we’ve learned about injustices, humanitarian crises, or social movements have come through social media. Doomscrolling can also make us feel less alone by connecting us with others who share our fears, perspectives, or experiences.

But the negatives often outweigh the benefits. Doomscrolling heightens anxiety, stress, anger, and hopelessness. It floods the nervous system with “threat signals,” leaving us stuck in dysregulation. And because social media algorithms are designed to keep us hooked, the cycle becomes self-perpetuating: we scroll to feel informed and in control, yet the more we consume, the more powerless and overwhelmed we feel.

So, what is Hope Questing?
Hope questing is the intentional act of seeking out uplifting, inspiring, or solution-focused stories, media, and resources. This doesn’t mean pretending the hard stuff isn’t happening or putting on rose-colored glasses. Instead, it’s about choosing to balance our perspective: recognizing that while there are crises, injustices, and suffering, there are also acts of kindness, progress, innovation, and resilience happening every single day and opportunities for you to be a part of them.

Of course, there are risks if hope questing is taken too far. We might run the risk of avoidance – putting our head in the sand and pretending that the bad things aren’t happening around us. We also run the risk of toxic positivity which is truly one of this therapist’s biggest pet peeves in our current culture. Toxic positivity is the belief that people should always maintain a positive mindset no matter how difficult, painful, or complicated their circumstances are, or the circumstances of the world may be. It’s the “just look on the bright side,” “good vibes only,” “Pollyanna,” or “everything happens for a reason” approach that dismisses or minimizes real feelings of sadness, anger, grief, or fear. At its core, toxic positivity suggests that there’s no space for “negative” emotions, and that if you just think positively enough, everything will be fine. While it’s important to find the path toward positivity, toxic positivity leaves no room for the complexity of human experience.

Healthy hope questing is about balance: allowing space for the hard truths and giving ourselves permission to refill our cup with reminders of joy, progress, and possibility. When we find hope, our optimism increases which in turn boosts our confidence and motivation to take action toward creating change.  It also helps us to regulate our nervous systems by reminding us of joy, progress, and possibility. While doomscrolling activates the nervous system, hope questing helps regulate it, reminding us that even in dark times, there are glimmers of light and pathways forward – it can inspire action rather than paralysis.

Takeaways And What To Do
The internet will always offer us an endless feed of stories. What we choose to consume matters for our mental health, our relationships, and our sense of self agency. Here are some tips for how to help balance knowledge and curate the accounts you follow.

· Pay attention to your body while you are scrolling – Do you feel tense? Calm? Inspired? Heavy? Happy? Your body tells you whether a feed is nourishing or draining.

· Find accounts that you trust for information. Follow accounts that provide accurate, thoughtful information about our country and the world.

· Make sure you follow accounts that bring you something fun. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good dog account or one with beautiful photos of places near and far. You can find the accounts that spark joy for you.

· Find accounts that uplift you. Identify what will inspire, encourage, expand your perspectives, or excite you. Having your feed filled with things that educate, create diversity, and share creativity might balance out the overwhelming feeling of the information you are taking in.

· Balance reality with hope. Stay informed, but balance news and critical issues with accounts that highlight solutions, resilience, or everyday positivity.

· Consciously think about each account that shows up in your feed. Does it bring you joy? Does it bring you accurate information? Do you feel good when you see their posts? Is it an account of someone you love and shows you the same love back? If the answer is no, think about unfollowing, muting, or snoozing the account.

· Consider resetting your algorithms. Each platform gives an option for doing so and sometimes this is just what you do to shift the information you are taking in.

· Limit comparison triggers. It happens to all of us, we follow the influencer with the style we want to emulate, the chef who always puts healthy meals on the table, the parent that has just the right tips to make your child do what you want, or the personal trainer who promises you will look just like them in 6 weeks. We follow these accounts looking for inspiration but instead we find ourselves in the comparison game that often leads to guilt or shame. If certain content or accounts makes you feel “less than,” consider unfollowing or muting.

· Pay attention to the videos and photos you watch, like, and share. That is how your feed is defined by the apps themselves. I know I have gone down some WILD rabbit holes and then suddenly see these things popping up more. Choose to not engage with that content and they will eventually fall away.

· Set time limits. Even the most uplifting feed can overwhelm. Use app timers or boundaries to step away and ground yourself offline.
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· Check in regularly. Your needs change—what inspired you last year might drain you now. Audit your feed every few months.

Final Thoughts
So, the next time you notice yourself doomscrolling, pause. Ask: What would hope questing look like right now? You might be surprised at how much lighter, steadier, and more capable you feel when you give yourself permission to seek out hope alongside the hard truths and curate your feeds to meet your needs. Remember: You are the curator of your digital environment. Choose content that nourishes your mental health, not just fills your time.

These are trying times my friends. If you are paying attention to the news, you are constantly being faced with a stressful world and national events and crises that are creating anxiety, worry, stress, sadness, hopelessness, and so much more. If you are someone who feels empathy, the weight of it all can feel so overwhelming at times. That weight can also create a lot of complicated feelings toward people who do not seem to be impacted by how the world is impacting the lives of others and instead are remaining behind the blinders of their privilege. It can be frustrating, even infuriating, to see someone vote for a candidate or policy that seems to directly contradict their own stated values, needs, or lived experiences. Sadly, these contradictions create more divisiveness on a macro level in our country, and on deeper and personal levels in some of our most important and closest relationships. For many of us, this also creates a deep sense of confusion: How can they believe one thing, but act in a way that appears to oppose it? Or even more difficult for us to understand: How can this person who loves me, vote against my rights and needs?

The answer often lies in a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance.
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What is Cognitive Dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort we feel when our actions don’t align with our beliefs or when we hold two contradictory beliefs at once. An example of this is: I support my gay son in his life, relationships, and in the ability to get married someday, but I am going to vote for this person who states that they will end same-sex marriage regardless because of various other reasons. Or: My spouse is an immigrant and has not become a US citizen yet, but I don’t think she will get deported even if I vote for the person who says that they will deport immigrants because I don’t think it will happen to her. For those of us on the outside we are screaming “MAKE IT MAKE SENSE”. But, for those who are doing this, in order to reduce that discomfort, their brain often tries to “close the gap” by:
• Reframing the facts (“This policy isn’t really that harmful.”)
• Downplaying the contradiction (“No candidate is perfect; this one is the lesser evil.”)
• Focusing on other values (“I care about X issue more than Y, even if Y affects me personally.”)
In politics, this can mean that someone votes based on one or two highly prioritized beliefs even if that choice conflicts with other parts of their identity or interests. They might say, This person might take away the rights of someone I love, but they are promising something else which is more important to me.
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Why This Can Be So Hard to Watch
When we see someone’s vote as harmful to them or to a group we care about, our nervous system often interprets it as a threat, especially when and if it feels personal. That can spark anger, sadness, or even a sense of betrayal. If the person is someone we know and care about, the dissonance between our perception of them and their actions can create dissonance for us, too. It is so difficult for us to resolve our love for our family members and the choices they might make that might impact our rights in the future. This is why we feel anxiety when we are with these people. We struggle with wanting to set boundaries with the people who are voting to take our rights away with the love and connection we have. How can I love this person that is taking action in a way that is not showing me love back? Can I still depend on this person in my life?

Coping With the Anger and Frustration

1. Name the phenomenon.
Remind yourself: “This is cognitive dissonance at play.” Naming it can help you shift from pure emotional reaction to observation.

2. Anchor in your values.
Ask yourself: “How do I want to show up in this conversation—or in this relationship?” This can help you respond in a way that’s congruent with your own integrity. You get to choose your values, and it is important to stay true to yourself, even when it might feel overwhelming or even scary.

3. Limit the engagement when necessary.
If certain discussions are only fueling resentment, it’s okay to set boundaries or disengage from political talk with that person. You might need to set different boundaries or make choices around conversations that you are willing to have with them. You may need to state how you no longer feel safe with certain things around this person and allow them to have to decide what that means for them. This is where you take your control back.

4. Channel the energy.
Redirect anger into meaningful action: advocacy, volunteering, educating, or creating supportive spaces for those affected by harmful policies. So many of my clients, supervisees, and colleagues are constantly faced with feeling like the powerlessness in all of this is one of the worst aspects of the fear and of being an ally. Finding the places where you can be part of change instead of being stuck in the paralyzing emotions of anger and fear can make a huge difference in your ability to cope.

5. Practice perspective-taking without excusing harm.
Understanding why someone acts against their own stated beliefs doesn’t mean you condone it—it simply means you’re not letting anger fully dictate your mental state. Remember, your anger is not going to impact their perspective. Unfortunately, I think one of the saddest and most difficult lessons we have all had to learn over this past decade is how we do not have the ability to change people’s minds if they are not open to different perspectives. We must accept this fact, accept their perspectives, and then instead decide what we will choose to do in response.

The Bigger Picture
Cognitive dissonance isn’t limited to “other people.” We all experience it at times. Recognizing it in ourselves and others can help us move toward more honest self-reflection and, hopefully, more congruent actions in the future. As therapists, friends, family members, or community members, our role is not always to change someone’s mind in the moment, but to protect our own mental well-being while staying aligned with the values we hold dear. We do this through reflection, boundaries, and meaningful action.