Navigating Relationships in a Divided Nation: Boundaries, Safety & Self-Preservation

When I first began my journey as a therapist, I never imagined just how profoundly politics would impact the mental health of my clients. Back in 2006, when I started my MFT program, I couldn’t have fathomed the extent to which our country’s political decisions would threaten the stability, safety, and security of not only my clients, but also many people in my life. And yet—here we are. As clinicians, we must continue to address these realities and advocate for the safety and well-being of all people, especially those who need our voices the most.

We’re living in a time in our country where political divisions are more than ideological—they often feel personal. The stakes feel high, especially when the views of people we love clash with our values, our identities, or even – and most importantly – our sense of safety. Never in my lifetime has political passion been so strong or the chasm between the different sides felt so deep. I often state that people have chosen their side of the political coin as staunchly as they choose a sports team to cheer for and because of their undying allegiance, they are unwilling to see how their side may be hurting people around them – and most importantly people they love – in deep and horrific ways.
Whether it’s a parent who dismisses your rights or perspectives, a partner whose silence feels like complicity and/or a violation of your trust, or a friendship that’s starting to feel like walking on eggshells, navigating relationships in this climate can be deeply disorienting. We begin questioning our understanding of the people we care about, and that say that they care about us, when they support a politician who is vowing to take our rights, or even the rights of others, away. It is a crazy-making practice in cognitive dissonance and rocks our sense of reality, safety, security, and stability.

Family of Origin: When Home Isn’t Emotionally Safe
Many of us were raised in families where values were shaped long before we had the language to question them. Revisiting those relationships—especially in times of social upheaval—can bring up grief, anger, and confusion. What a complicated emotional experience it is when you realize that your values and morals no longer match those of the people that you were raised and shaped by. It can even be more complicated when you were taught to believe, act, or treat people one way by your parents as a child, and then now they are acting or reacting in a different way than how they taught you to be. How complicated it feels to resolve that juxtaposition of “do as I say, not as I do” to be a good, caring, and respectable human. This especially holds true for many people who were raised to be Christians and then are seeing their parents act so un-Christian-like. The disparity is jarring, overwhelming, confusing, and extremely distressing. Resolving the differences between the people you thought that you knew and loved, with how their choices reflect their identify can be an overwhelming and impossible task.
If a parent or sibling expresses political views that deny your humanity or safety, that is not a small thing. It’s valid to feel hurt, conflicted, and uncertain about how to stay in connection with them. Boundaries here might mean changing the subject, limiting contact, or even creating distance to preserve your mental health. You need to protect yourself and your mental health and this may mean that the lines of your boundaries might change or become more defined. In general, many people have begun questioning the long-held truth that if someone is family, a relationship must be maintained. I want to remind everyone that we get to choose who we keep in our lives. Conversations about boundaries can and should happen and you can, with your family members, try to agree to disagree and maintain rules about whether to discuss politics around one another. You get to choose if that relationship is important enough to you to maintain or if the difference between your values is too drastically different that you no longer feel safe and too much respect has been lost.
Remember: You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to you—especially if that access comes at the cost of your emotional or physical safety or wellbeing.

 Friendships: When Politics Enter the Group Chat
We often think of friends as chosen family. But when a friend expresses views that feel dismissive, uninformed, or dangerous, it can shake the foundation of the relationship and connection. Ask yourself: Is this person open to dialogue? Are they willing to reflect, or only to debate? Can I feel emotionally safe being myself in this relationship? Are our differing political views too different to be able to maintain connection and respect? Are their perspectives a threat to me, my safety, my well-being, and my life? If the answer is no, it may be time to have a candid conversation—or, in some cases, to reconsider the level of closeness you maintain. As I said before, friendships are chosen, and you can choose to maintain the relationship, increase boundaries, take a break, or sometimes let them go.

Romantic Relationships: What Happens When Values Clash
Politics might not seem like a romantic issue—until it is. Sharing a life with someone whose values no longer align with yours (or never did) can feel like being emotionally split in two. If political differences feel rooted in different worldviews rather than harmful ideologies, open communication may help. But if the difference feels like a threat to your rights, identity, or safety, it’s okay to name that as a relationship dealbreaker. You have the option to agree to disagree, but in the conversations about agreeing to disagree, you should have conversations about what those differences might mean in terms of what you might teach your children (current or future) about the world, having compassion for people (especially those that are different from them), and about creating safe spaces for everyone. Love is not enough without safety. And your emotional safety matters so much.

Grief: Mourning What Was—or What Never Was
One of the most tender and painful parts of navigating relationships in a divided world is the grief that surfaces—sometimes quietly, sometimes all at once. You might be grieving:

• The version of a parent you thought you knew
• The friendship that now feels irreparably distant
• The hope that a partner would understand you more deeply and consider your safety in this world
  
• The fantasy that love alone could bridge every divide

Grief isn’t always about death. It’s also about disconnection, disappointment, and disillusionment. It’s the ache of realizing that someone you care about holds beliefs that invalidate your experience—or worse, actively endanger your rights or identity. The grief you might be experiencing in this national divide that is reflecting in your interpersonal relationships is complex because it doesn’t have clean edges. There may still be love. There may still be shared memories, or birthdays, or text threads. But the emotional safety you once felt might be gone—or maybe, heartbreakingly, you realize it was never really there. Let yourself grieve. There is no shame in mourning the loss of a version of a relationship or even a relationship in general, even if that person is still physically present in your life. Grief is not weakness—it’s a sign of how deeply you love, how deeply you feel, and how much it, and that person, matters to you.

Coping Tools for the Chaos
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, even helpless, in today’s climate. But you’re not powerless. Here are a few reminders to anchor you:

• Take control where you can. Your vote. Your boundaries. Your voice.
• Let go where you must. You can’t change people who don’t want to change and letting go of someone who hurts you, or whose choices hurt you, is ok and something necessary.
• Pause before engaging. Ask: Will this conversation move us forward—or drain me?
• Make space to feel. Anger, sadness, fear, and grief are valid responses.
• Choose your people. Community is a lifeline. Surround yourself with those who see you, affirm you, and help you feel less alone. Also, find the people who will find for your rights, or will join you in fighting for the rights of those whose voice is threatened to be silenced.

Feeling out of control is not normal, but completely expected
Feeling out of control right now? You’re not alone (I am right there with you!). It’s not normal, but it is expected and understandable—because so much in our country does feel out of control. The tension we carry in our bodies, the relationships that feel strained, the constant overwhelm—that’s not just you being “too sensitive.” That’s you being human in a world that’s pushing your nervous system past its limit. That’s you caring so deeply about your safety and having compassion, concerns, and fear for others too. NONE OF THIS IS NORMAL. But your feelings are. Take the space you need. Make choices that protect your peace. And remind yourself: you’re allowed to set boundaries, even with people you love.
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If you’re struggling to navigate these relationships or the emotions they stir up, therapy can help. You don’t have to untangle it all alone. And, I have said it before, and I will say it again. You are also allowed to ask any therapist, current or future, what their political views are. You deserve a safe space to vocalize your fears, grief, sadness, and anger about our current world with someone who will validate your experiences authentically.